Breathe new life into your wardrobe with tailoring

Ill-fit clothing can psychologically affect us.

Do you look in your closet at the clothes you used to love wearing and sigh a heavy sigh? Do you think about how much money you’ll have to spend to replace these garments?

Wearing clothes that don’t fit well can have a psychological affect on all of us. When we wear well-fit clothes, we tend to feel more confident and able, and we may even stand taller. Ill-fitting clothes look and feel sloppy, and this can infect our self-esteem and our performance.Clothing fit is one of the most important aspects of one’s wardrobe. However, over time, fabric can lose it’s elastic recovery and hang slack; stitching at the seams can also stretch out with wear, and sometimes our bodies may have changed shape, which can also affect the way that clothing hangs (or stretches) on us.

Sometimes clothing cuts and styles have simply gone past their prime and should be retired (i.e. 3-button suits from the 1990s-2000s), but often, the classic business garments you have invested in may simply need a refresh, and this can be accomplished through tailoring.

I just worked with a client who had some existing sports jackets and a pair of trousers that we chose together a couple of years ago. We decided that instead of buying everything new again, we should get each garment tailored to smarten up each piece and bring them up-to-date. When we picked up the altered garments and the client was delighted – updated staple garments that looked – and felt – like new, and for a fraction of the cost.

Your tailor can be your wardrobe’s best friend. Investing in tailoring can make your clothing look like a million bucks because it fits your body (as opposed to a hanger), and the proportion points are correct. This can have a strong impact on your wardrobe, your image, and how you feel, not to mention how other people perceive you and your abilities in the business world.

(Picture: Dressed_for_summer.jpg: Ed Yourdon derivative work: Themightyquill (talk) – Dressed_for_summer.jpg)

Heightism and the Sartorial Rise of Short Men

Tonight is the night to change things for the better for short men who want to dress well in properly-fitted clothes.  I am delighted to sit on a panel this evening to discuss height inclusion in menswear at Ryerson University’s Fashion Department. I will share the stage with industry experts who will discuss the practical possibilities of outfitting short men in well-fit wardrobes, and the new market that height inclusion sizing will serve.

But first a little theory and a little history.

Any time there is an “ism”, there is conflict. “Ism”s are based on the idea that one group or idea is superior to another group or idea. “Ism”s in action move people into opposing camps that are at odds: men/women = sexism, white/non-white = racism, and tall/short = heightism.

These “isms” only exist in the minds of the group that decided to divide the world up in the first place – i.e. the ruling class. With the means to spread messages and influence the masses, their biased’ “ism”s are imposed upon and absorbed by the public, and eventually, we’ve got a cultural division and a learned prejudice that can deeply affect society.

Cultural Belittling

Early in the 19^th century, the tension between England and France exploded into war. King George III led British forces against Napoleon, leader of the French Empire and its allies. Those wars have left a lasting impression on Europe and western society, but in ways that we may not expect; it is my belief that this conflict introduced a concept the world hadn’t seen before: heightism.

Napoleon was 5’6 – average height for European men at the time.  Across the English Channel, the ruler of England was an unusually tall man. Seizing upon this difference, George III played out his contempt for France and its leader through satirical political cartoons published in British papers that spread the idea of conflict of stature: these images portray tall, red-coated George peering through a spy-glass at pint-sized Napoleon who he holds in his hand. George says to Napoleon, “I cannot but conclude you be one of the most pernicious, little odious reptiles that nature every suffered to crawl upon the surface of the Earth”.

This visual metaphor was English propaganda, and the ridicule of Napoleon as a smaller and weaker leader created the height (i.e. power) conflict which suggests that taller men are somehow superior to short men. This baseless concept left a lasting impression on the collective consciousness of English culture and all it touched – the British Commonwealth, including Canada.

Psychology

 Heightism, like any other “ism” that pits one group of people against another, can cause us to distrust and feel hostility towards the group the ruling class deems “less than” – in this case, short men.

Interestingly, psychological heightism seems to only apply to men. Though women of varying heights will have their own set of physical issues to deal with, we don’t live under height discrimination like men do.

However, women’s perceptions have been influenced by heightism – some women won’t date short men. Why? I don’t think it’s because short men aren’t attractive (they are!), but it could be that learned cultural bias that makes us see short men as inferior to tall men.  For example, this Business Insider article explains a lot about the perks and privileges of being a tall man, and cites Malcolm Gladwell who notes that tall men have more opportunities in life, and gives the example  that the majority of Fortune 500 CEOs are “taller than the average man”.

I’ve worked with and surveyed men under 5’8, and many of them tell me that they can feel overlooked and disrespected by society because they are short. Shorter men may feel discrimination at the office, in romance, and – in their closets.

I’m a men’s image consultant that works with men of all sizes, and I am petite, so I feel the pain of ill-fitting clothes. Average small, medium, large, XL sizing just doesn’t work for us – we are not average.

Short men, like petite women, need their own sizing system.

Height Inclusion and Specialty Sizing

Women have traditionally spent much more money than men on clothing, but men have become more style-conscious in recent years – they want to look good and take pride in their appearance and this means better grooming and better clothing.

But when we don’t fit average size, it’s always best to have clothes made for us – this is where made-to-measure or bespoke clothing for the gents comes in handy, but it isn’t an option for everyone due to cost. More affordable clothing is mass-produced and uses clothing patterns designed to fit the “average” measurements for practical reasons. In recent years however, consumers – specifically female consumers – demanded affordable specialty sizing – i.e. women’s petite or plus-sized clothing – and the clothing industry delivered.

Men have not had this luxury. “Average”-sized garments are cut to fit the tallest “average” wearer, so this leaves the shorter people sloshing around in too-long shirts, pants, coats, jackets, etc. For men who may not think to take his clothes in for tailoring, he ends up wearing sloppy, ill-fit clothes that will do nothing but diminish his stature, his attractiveness, and his confidence.

But with an industry buzz about a new sizing system for short men, this clothing revolution would be a game-changer for men 5’8 and under. Let’s hope tonight’s panel makes the case for height inclusion in menswear. Maybe then we can leave the political motives of a dead king in the past.

 

Spring image prep!

Well, we’ve passed the Victoria Day long weekend here in Canada and that’s usually a sign of some things: new growth, the sweet smell of spring; time to open the cottage for the season, and time to get out your summer clothes.

When it’s time to change our seasonal closets over, we should think about the life of our warm weather clothes and what they’ve been through for the last 6 – 8 months. Essentially, they’ve been neglected, hanging in the dark, weighted down under folds and layers, stuffed into bags, boxes, or suitcases. They need to be refreshed. Here are some easy ways to prep your spring-summer wardrobe and get  you ready to rock spring-summer 2017:

1. Organize your drawers. Get rid of the socks with holes, toss the Swiss cheese underwear hanging to the waistband by a thread, and ditch the old, worn, and possibly torn t-shirts. Don’t be afraid to try on last summer’s clothes and give away the stuff that’s not doing it for you anymore–excess only takes up space.

2.Wash your clothes. If possible, hang out in the air to dry. They’ll smell better.

3. Some of your clothes should be given a press. After cleaning, press a clean crease in your cotton or linen trousers; give your shirts some steam.

4. Have a look at your shoes from last summer –what shape are they in? Are they scuffed? Heels worn down? Time to visit the shoe repair shop! Next-to-new shoes will definitely put a spring in your step!

 

 

5. If you haven’t done so for a while (if ever), exfoliating is a lovely way to feel like you’ve woken up your skin. Exfoliation is a process of removing dead skin cells from the surface of skin, leaving a soft, fresh layer beneath.

For the gents, I suggest a pair of exfoliating gloves lathered with soap to smooth away rough skin. Get in the shower, put on the textured gloves, wet them, soap up, and wash entire body – toes, elbows, and buns included (go lightly on your gentlemen’s parts); rinse gloves, squeeze out excess water, then hang to dry. It feels great to slather on an oil or a moisturizer on freshly-exfoliated skin – you’ll feel invigorated and refreshed!

6. Check hands and feet. After a long winter, chances are, your digits are not in great shape. Go for a gent’s manicure and pedicure at a salon or simply get yourself a nail brush and give your feet and fingers a good going-over. Use a moisturizer afterward – you’ll notice a difference.

7. Spring is a great time for a new look and it doesn’t have to mean replacing your entire wardrobe. How about something simple like a new hair style? An updated pair of sunglasses is always a wise investment as well.

The excitement of spring-summer 2017 awaits – best to be wardrobe and grooming-ready!

Austrian style

One of my friends is from Vienna and works in the Trade division for the Austrian Consulate in Toronto. She organized a trade event to showcase Austrian food and wine and asked me to help out, which I did on Tuesday night. It was a fun, day-long event and a good turn out with many Austrian delegates and business people, plus European and Canadian guests.

Austrians are friendly, polite, and reserved; efficient and no-nonsense. They are a culture of people who enjoy life, tasty cheese, meats, and condiments; beer, radlers, and wine (speaking of, if you’ve never tried Grüner Veltliner, you must!).

Besides all of the delicious Austrian products at the trade event, I was struck with something else: the look of the Austrian men.

Suits

A modern Tacht suit from Austria’s Kleidermanufaktur Habsburg

The Austrian businessmen’s suit cuts are different than what we’re used to seeing in Canada (i.e. Kenneth Barlis’ fall-winter 2017 collection featured at TOM* – Toronto Men’s Fashion Week, includes very short jackets in dazzling colours). Austrian suit jackets are worn much longer and trousers are roomier as well.

Austrian suits are conservative and practical with straighter cuts than other European styles. English or Italian fits can be quite body-consciousness and sculpted to show off the body line, but not so with the more modest Austrians.

Traditional Tracht jackets are worn by men (and sometimes women) in German-speaking countries including Austria.These structured garments are easy to spot: they are typically styled with a stand up collar with or without lapels, with a of row of fancy buttons and buttonholes all the way up to the neck. These jackets often feature contrast material or decorative braid to adorn pockets, collars, and jacket edges.

Traditional Tacht jacket

Details of Tracht clothing have found their way into modern designs. Kleidermanufaktur Habsburg, an Austrian lifestyle clothing brand, features traditional Tracht designs with noble, “imperial roots”, as their website states. The navy suit above, from their 2016 fall-winter collection, reflects the traditional features in this updated version of the Tracht jacket.

Colour and other details

The last time I was at an Austrian trade event, I noticed the suit colour choices and decided to speak with one of the delegates about it.

“I noticed that you’re all in navy suits,” I said. “No one is wearing a brown suit. Why is that?”

“Brown suits are only for managers!” the Austrian businessman insisted.

All of the Austrian men at the trade event wore black lace-up shoes and belts without exception. In North America, we’re used to seeing brown/cordova shoes and belts to mix up a business look, but not for these men.  Theirs is a very quiet, traditional look for business.

There were no adornments outside of a neat, conservative tie worn with their navy suits and white shirts; not a coloured sock nor a pocket square in the room; no French cuffs, no cuff links. Austrian business men wear their hair short and keep their faces clean-shaven.

At the trade event, as I stood pouring samples at the Ottakringer beer table for the day, I realized that Austrians seem to prefer things simple, clean, and light. For Austrian businessmen, their whole look is elegant, neat and uncomplicated – very much like their taste in beer.

Follow the dress code

At a semi-formal event, don’t show up in a t-shirt.

I was out at a networking event at a hotel in an upscale Toronto neighbourhood last night. The invitation gave a semi-formal dress code, so I put on a dress and a pair of heels and went on my way.

When I got there, what I saw when I surveyed the crowd of entrepreneurs confused me. Though the dress code was quite clear, several men were in very casual dress. It made me wonder if they came straight from their non-semi-formal work place to the semi-formal event, and didn’t, or weren’t able to pay any heed to the event expectations.

One of these casual men  approached me and inquired about my business. Depending on the person, some men will get really excited because they’re talking to the first woman in Canada to specialize in men’s image, others will look downtrodden because they remember what they decided to wear that day, and still others will outright recoil (possibly out of shame or fear of being judged). This particular man was a member of the business team that put the event together, and he took a great interest in my work.

Of course, he asked me how he was doing with his wardrobe. Normally, this costs money, no different than asking for free legal advice, but I indulged him. I stepped back and took in his ordinary shoes, jeans, and a white knit Henley shirt.

“Well,” I said, “you’re in very casual clothes tonight.”

“Yes, is that okay?” he asked.

“Considering that the invitation says “semi-formal”,  you didn’t seem to pay that any mind.”

“So what is your advice?” he asked.

“Dress for the dress code.”

It’s simple, really. When an invitation gives a suggestion of what to wear so that you are appropriate for and comfortable at the event, follow that lead. Otherwise, it creates confusion in people and probably isn’t that good for business because you’ve entered an event on a rule and broken it. We only get one chance to make a first impression.

When a person is under-dressed or looks as though they have not made any attempt to dress for the level that is expected, it can have a negative impact. A casual look at a semi-formal occasion may conjure impressions of laziness, ignorance, disdain, spite, and a devil-may-care attitude – not exactly a respectable image to project at a business event where you’re trying to sell your services.

The best thing to do is dress for the dress code. It exists for a reason, and your appropriate look will be much more appealing to others – especially in a business setting. Even if you’re still in jeans, take a sports jacket to the event – this will immediately elevate your outfit. Another option is to change your footwear to a fancier, more stylish shoe – this can also up your look.

First impressions are hard to shake. Do it right the first time and heed the dress code.

Trends 2017: Pleats

Trends. The shepherds of western culture that drive fashion-conscious humans and a sizable chunk of the economy. Trends, which I prefer to call styles, have their own individual origins and exist for different reasons. Some styles are attractive and flatter more people, and some are not and flatter few.

Many men have spoken to me about modern menswear  and wonder why clothes have become so tight. I tell them that like everything else in clothing history, when a trend – ignited by a king’s, actor’s, or musician’s taste, or a style worn in a popular movie or TV show (Mad Men, I’m looking at you) – takes hold, it moves into the extreme before morphing into something else.

Types of pleats used in men’s trousers.

We’re nearing the end of the tight, close-cut suit/trouser style cycle, and waiting for the next change in slow-moving menswear silhouettes. For men who have not been interested in, or are indeed incapable of squeezing themselves into the razor-sharp skinny suits that we’ve seen over the last few years, this is good news. Good news in the shape of pleats. Pleats add space to pant legs that some men will find more comfortable to wear than the current skinny cuts.

Yes, pleats shall return, but not pleats like the pleats of the recent past – i.e. the horrible double-pleated pant style leftover from the 80s that plagued the 90s and early 2000s, that were often made of beige, too-thick, un-drapable cotton twill. You know the ones.

Trouser leg pattern with two pleats, folded line to line at top.

Depending on the thickness of the fabric, pleats will add bulk to a man’s frame because a pleat is measured by its depth – i.e. a 1″ pleat is really 2″added into the front leg of the trouser (1″ folded over another 1″) and 2″ added to the back leg, which loosens the fit but adds visual weight to the frame. So all of those men who wore and unfortunately, continue to wear puffy, double-pleated, cotton twill Dockers, are only adding false weight to themselves by wearing these excessively clothy things.

Modern pleats in the men’s trousers that I’ve seen, are single pleats in thinner fabrics that take a good press and drape nicely but don’t add bulk. Modern pleats will be more body conscious.

Illustrated here, the Dolce & Grabbana Fall Winter 2017 collection features a whisper of a single pleat in this trim trouser with a roomier thigh, among the chatter of flat-front, close-cut trousers that dominate their collection.

Now, I’m not saying that pleats are the bomb just yet – there is much to be said about a gent in a neat, flat-front trouser, but flat-fronts tend to be trimmer in cut which may not suit every man’s build. That’s the thing about fashion – most of the time, the designs are cut with a certain body type in mind – often not ours! – but the styles eventually make their way into the mainstream to cater to men of different builds, though menswear travels at a slow pace.

Humans are curiously fickle when it comes to fashion. They strenuously jump on the trend bandwagon, milk it for all it’s worth, then, when the clothing style invariably turns to another shape, people poo-poo what they were so adamant about adopting in the first place, and turn to the next big thing.

One day, pleated trousers will eclipse the once-fresh, skinny cuts that were so warmly welcomed when they made their appearance several years ago, and will influence the cuts of suits and sports jackets. We’re already ankle-deep in the new cycle, so there’s no turning back.

The Trump image in media

I’m not writing to complain or express any emotion toward Donald Trump being elected the next US president, but I do want to point out an observation.

Political image is fascinating in that as the candidates get into their campaigns, the media takes their sides and plans how they will portray that candidate. In the case of Donald Trump, the media outside of FOX News painted him as a racist, misogynistic, Cheeto-coloured buffoon, and used very unflattering pictures of him in their news.

After the stunning election upset, his news image changed immediately. The media – even media that was very anti-Trump during the campaign, has decidedly changed their tune and the way he is pictured is remarkably different than how he was depicted less than a week before Tuesday’s election. Apparently they all got the memo.

Photo by the New York Times

At least outwardly, respect is now being paid to Trump as president-elect, but he remains the same person who was depicted in a very negative light by some news sources earlier this week.

The only thing that has changed is how the media illustrates his image. Donald Trump hasn’t changed and neither will his spots.

Photo from The Irish Times

Photo by Reuters

 

 

 

 

Humpty Dumpty

Humpty Dumpty in Lewis Carroll’s Through the Looking Glass.

Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall

Humpty Dumpty had a great fall

All the king’s horses and all the king’s men

Couldn’t put Humpty together again

I’m a men’s image specialist and I liken my image process to the Humpty Dumpty concept in that I take my clients apart, analyze those parts, and put them back together in a more comfortable, attractive, and natural configuration. I love this analogy, but I really thought about this Humpty Dumpty character one day, then started to look into it. It turns out that Humpty Dumpty has much more meaning and history to him than I realized.

Literary History

In a very interesting blog that describes the origin of nursery rhymes, LetterPile cites the Oxford English Dictionary entry for “humpty dumpty”, a 17^th century reference to” brandy boiled with ale. In the 1700s, it was also a term used to describe a short, clumsy person. It has also been a nickname attributed to someone who has had too much alcohol (perhaps imbibing the drink of the same name).”

Literature’s first mention of Humpty came in 1797 with Samuel Arnold’s Juvenile Amusements. This original didn’t mention the king’s horses and men but rather, four score and four score more could not make Humpty Dumpty where he was before. The rhyme’s next incarnation in 1842 seems to anticipate a second verse after Humpty hit the ground:

Humpty-Dumpty lay in a beck

With all his sinews around his neck;

Forty doctors and forty wights

Couldn’t put Humpty-Dumpty to rights.

It wasn’t until 1872 with Lewis Carroll’s fantastically drug-addled work, Through the Looking Glass, that the Humpty Dumpty rhyme made its place in children’s literature, but this time, all the king’s horses and all the king’s men couldn’t put Humpty in his place again. In Lewis’ version, Humpty Dumpty is an egg with an enormous face, wearing clothes, and having a rude conversation with Alice.

Lewis’ opium (greatly) influenced his writing and his hallucinations painted a creepy picture of Humpty: “If he smiled much more the ends of his mouth might meet behind,” [Alice] thought: “and then I don’t know what would happen to his head! I’m afraid it would come off!”

“What a beautiful belt you’ve got on!” Alice suddenly remarked. “At least,” she corrected herself on second thought, “a beautiful cravat, I should have said – no, a belt, I mean – I beg your pardon!” she asked in dismay, for Humpty Dumpty looked thoroughly offended, and she began to wish she hadn’t chosen that subject. “If only I knew.” she thought to herself, “which was neck and which was waist!”

This made Humpty angry.

“It is a – most – provoking – thing,” he said at last, “when a person doesn’t know a cravat from a belt!”

Well, we can’t really blame Alice for not being able to decide if a band around an egg’s middle is a belt or a cravat, but outside of his wardrobe and literary history, Humpty’s associations go in unexpected directions. In his next incarnation, Humpty is not boozy drink nor a giant smart-ass egg, but a cannon.

Humpty Dumpty at War

Was Humpty Dumpty 17th-century English cannon?

During the English Civil War (1642 – 1649), the town of Colchester was under control of the Royalists, loyal to King Charles I. The town was fortified with large cannons atop the city walls. Some historians believe that one of these cannons was (for unknown reasons) nicknamed “Humpty Dumpty”.

Colchester was under siege by the Parliamentarians who supported a monarchy-free Parliament. The story goes that on July 14 – 15, 1648, a Parliamentarian cannon blew up the wall that Humpty Dumpty sat on. Humpty, the very large and heavy cannon fell to the ground, but no one – neither horse nor man – could recover the cannon. This may have been the event that turned the civil war to the side of the Parliamentarians who took the city on August 28 and went on to overthrow King Charles I the following year and end the war.

According to Adam Wears in his article, Humpty Dumpty Was A Cannon, Not An Egg, the fall of the cannon became legend after the Royalists were defeated, and “the soldiers’ song became a nursery rhyme that was sung to children to tell them of how their brave fathers and grandfathers had defeated the tyrannical King’s great weapon.”

The Origin of Humpty Dumpty suggests another possibility, this time around Richard III in 1485. Richard either had a horse named Wall, or his men (who abandoned him) represented “the wall”. “Either way, the king fell off his horse and was supposedly hacked to pieces on the field—thus no one could put him together again.”

So between liquor, an egg in pants, a cannon that changed English history, bad balance,  or a disloyal army, Humpty Dumpty has certainly captured our imaginations. As for my clients, I’m happy to say that I always get them back together again, in spectacular, stylish fashion.

 

Testosterone spikes this season

Ah, the autumn! Crisp air, glorious colours,  the delicious harvest, and look out – the peak of your annual testosterone levels.

More than any other season, the fall seems to have the most birthdays, doesn’t it? A September-born friend of mine jokes about being a “Christmas Party Baby”, but it turns out that there is more to it than a slap, tickle, and one too many cups of holiday cheer.

“Testosterone levels and sperm counts are highest in late fall and early winter… the peak times for human births in the Northern Hemisphere is around August or September – 9 months after the high testosterone levels of the preceeding fall.” (Heroes, Rogues, and Lovers: Testosterone and Behavior).

According to Jed Diamond in The Irritable Male Syndrome,  testosterone levels cycle throughout the year: “Studies conducted in the US, France, Australia found that men secrete their highest levels of sex hormones in October and their lowest levels in April.”

The irritable male syndrome is characterized by a “state of hypersensitivity, anxiety, frustration, and anger that occurs in males and is associated with biochemical changes, hormonal fluctuations, stress, and a loss of male identity.”  Diamond claims that there is a seasonal aspect to the irritable male syndrome that makes men “more irritable when days shorten and there is less light. The decline in testosterone between October and April may contribute to this irritability.”

When I read these two books a few years ago, I was left wondering why it’s taken us so long to start examining men like we do women. As I research further, I have found that male hormonal swings may be more powerful and more prevalent than female hormonal fluctuations, and yet women have been pinned as the changeable, screaming, crying, mood-and sometimes axe-swinging slaves to their monthly hormone changes.

Not only does a man’s testosterone level change throughout the year, it is constantly changing all day and every day – when men go to sleep, testosterone is on the rise hour by hour until its peak upon waking in the morning (if you don’t believe me, gentlemen, think about what you wake up with every day). By the afternoon, the hormone levels off, begins its decline, and by late afternoon, testosterone is at its lowest level – when men are said to be at their highest point of irritability.

Did you know?

• Testosterone rises in men when they win a competition and falls when they lose (this seems to be the case whether the competition is direct or observed);
• Testosterone tends to decrease talking and socializing – unless sports or sex are present;
• Men higher in testosterone tend to be dissatisfied in marriage;
• Men lower in testosterone tend to have more convincing smiles.

We’re only starting to recognize the complexity of men and the role of testosterone is fascinating, to me at least, in the way it motivates male thinking and behaviour; I think it’s important that people understand this and give a guy the benefit of the doubt because believe it or not, there are some things that men cannot necessarily control.

So fellas, before I end this week’s post, I want to tell you that because your testosterone is rising to peak right now and at any moment you could be at your most virile, I want to remind you to keep yourselves protected to prevent any surprises next fall.

Recommended reading: Effects of Testosterone On The Body

Essential Etiquette

The way we behave is a large part of the image that we project. Our actions have all sorts of repercussions, good and bad, and knowing how to conduct oneself in different situations can definitely work to your benefit.

The point of etiquette is to be considerate of others and make them comfortable by doing the right thing, the polite thing, the things that make people want to be around us. One of those nice things is the ability to work a dining table with grace and mindfulness of our company.

Bad table manners won’t get you another date

Many people have stories about rude dates that displayed behaviour that put them off. A few years ago, I wrote about social and clothing changes since the 1980s and took my influence from Love Connection, a dating show from that era. On the show, several people mentioned manners being important to them but unfortunately, their dates didn’t always politely come through.

For example, Del talked about her date with Donald and explained what it was like to go out to eat with him: “What was embarrassing was at dinner when Donald licked his knife… then he put his lobster shells on the bread tray, then he reached over to my plate and ate my food, so he enjoyed his and mine.”

Surprise! Donald didn’t get a second date.

Speaking of dates, a friend of mine had a date with a woman who was a friend of a friend. From this familiar association, he assumed that she’d be alright. Things may have turned out differently if she hadn’t arrived at their dinner date drunk and then ate from his plate.

I started seeing a fellow several years ago who I liked but because of his ill-mannered ways, I fled and didn’t look back. On our third and final date, we met for breakfast on a Saturday morning. I remember ordering eggs Florentine that came with some sort of potato on the side. He ordered an odd breakfast: salad and fried eggs over easy.

When the food came and we began eating, I had to look away because watching him shovel iceberg lettuce from a fork dripping with egg yolk into his mouth – that he didn’t close while chewing – was a disgusting sight. I was literally put off of my food. I laid my napkin over my plate and what was left of my breakfast.

“Are you going to eat that?” he asked.

“Uh, no,” I replied.

“Mind if I do?”

I should have seen this coming; the second time we saw each other, he came over to cook dinner with me. I keep dried beans, rice, grains, nuts and seeds in jars on a shelf in my kitchen. I had my back turned to him as we chatted and I cooked on the stove. I turned around at the very moment he was about to toss a handful of sunflower seeds he had poured out of one of the jars (without asking) into his mouth.

He didn’t see me again.

Good table manners might

On a first date breakfast with a different fellow, he caught some food in his throat and started coughing. I beckoned the waitress to bring some water for my friend who cleared the block with a sip of water and appreciated my gesture.

I got a second date and I felt classy.

Bad manners can cast a bad light on your person

I had to meet a client in a shopping mall food court one day. Behind my client was a very large man who I couldn’t help but notice as he stuffed mounds of processed food into his greasy mouth, then stuck a fat, oily index finger into his hole to dislodge the food from the inside of his cheeks.

What can I tell you? It was sickening to watch but I found myself unable to tear my eyes away, like I was looking at a car wreck. The state of this man, what he chose to feed himself with and how he administered it made me wonder what he could possibly do for a living. Without meaning to, his bad behaviour made me question his intelligence and his sense of self-worth.

Good manners make us glow

Polite people always leave a good impression; we tend to like people with good manners because they are considerate of us and that makes us feel good; it seems to me that good etiquette breeds trust in other people.

THINK: How do you feel towards the person ahead of you who let the door slam in your face? The woman on the streetcar who offers her seat to an elderly lady?  The man who allowed you in front of him in the grocery store line up because you had fewer items?

Bad table etiquette = employment suicide

I spoke to Catherine Bell, one of Canada’s premier etiquette specialists at Prime Impressions about manners. Catherine says that poor dining skills are the result of either one’s upbringing (where proper dining etiquette was not a priority), or the rejection of what are perceived as empty rules of behaviour that no longer matter. She told the story of a student who blew his chances at post-graduation employment because of his bad manners:

This particular student won an award for his marketing skills at college. At the awards banquet, someone from the marketing company who was giving this young man the award, leaned over to the professor in charge of the class and said that they would not be hiring him. When the mystified professor asked why, the marketing executive said, “It is because he brings his face down to the food, not the food up to his face.”

The job entailed entertaining clients over meals.

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Exercising good manners is a choice. Some people shrug and scoff at etiquette and say, “that’s just the way I am” or “if you don’t like me, you can (fill in the blank)“. Fair enough. But if you decide to reject the etiquette, think about what you’re doing and what you could be losing out on, not to mention the lasting impression you’re leaving on other people.

The way I see it, if a person decides not to exercise polite manners, that individual is waving off consideration for others which ultimately reflects how other people see that person. It also seems an indication of how that person regards himself, like the man in the food court. It’s about respect for others and for oneself – if we don’t respect ourselves, how can we expect anyone else to?

Remember, we only get one chance to make a first impression and if we blow it the first time, we may not get another go at it.

Your feet in summer

People seem to think that just because it’s hot outside, they have license to dress like a slob and slack off on grooming. Do you see ratty old t-shirts walking around in public? Have you ever had the misfortune of being downwind from someone who has slacked off on bathing? How about people who interpret “summer business casual” being the same thing as “cottage wear”?

Run on us, jump on us, but don’t forget to clean us!

There are guys out there who wear sandals or flip-flops and whether unconsciously or perhaps out of spite, show off their filthy toes. We don’t want to see this and in fact, it’s a bone of contention with me. There is no reason not to have clean feet and this week, lads, we’ll discuss the state of your feet and how to make them not only nicer to look at, but nicer to live with. Allow me to pass on some easy and practical tips on keeping your feet neat, how to wear summer footwear, and how to tend to summer foot ailments.

Don’t be lazy – pay attention to your feet

I had a boyfriend once who never washed his feet. He insisted that the water and soap lather used to clean the top of his body was enough to clean his feet as it ran over them. The concept of cleaning in between his toes with lather was somehow preposterous, so he never did.

I’m not sure that I ever actually saw his feet; they were in beaten up Blundstones or wool socks most of the time, but if I had seen his feet, or the way I imagined his feet would have looked without cleaning between his toes for an extended period of time, I’m not sure that I could have lived with it – women are more sensitive to things like this, I find.

Anyway, the point is, please make an effort while you’re in the shower to bend over and clean the top and bottom of the whole foot, then clean between your toes, otherwise the infamous toe jam begins to collect. Toe jam, the ” grey-brown shit that accumulates between your toes. Primarily composed of dead skin cells, sock fluff and sweat.” (Urban Dictionary).

Dirty feet and the smell of dirty feet is not welcoming to anyone so please take the time to bathe and groom your feet, using the following tips to get you there:

TIP #1: Go to the drugstore and buy a nail brush or a brush with a handle. Soap it up and give your feet a good going over  – the brush, soap, water, and friction, cleans your feet, cleans under your toenails, sloughs off dead skin cells on the surface of your feet, and it feels good!

TIP #2: Regularly trim your toenails with a toenail clipper – they’re wider than fingernail clippers and easier to handle.

TIP #3: Sand, yes, I said sand your heels to file down your callouses. Soak, smooth down the hard skin, and follow with a moisturizer. You could use a pumice stone or find a paddle with an actual piece of sandpaper on it – check the Body Shop or a drugstore or specialty spas for items mentioned here.

TIP #4: A clean foot will not make a filthy flip-flop look better. Scrub both sides of your foam, rubber, or plastic flip-flops  (with your new nail brush if you want to) and get all of the crap out from the treads and surface texture. Do one at a time and compare – which one would you rather be seen in? Which one makes you feel better?

Summer socks 

Nothing looks more uncomfortable than a guy in shorts with mid-length calf socks on, especially if they’re dress socks. Different socks for different reasons, lads: dress socks (i.e dark socks) are for dress wear (i.e. suits), and for summer, should be made of  cotton to keep the foot cool by wicking away perspiration.

Athletic socks (usually white) are worn at the gym or with sporty clothes and convey a youthful, energetic message, but don’t really work with casual looks if you’re not wearing gym shoes, and this includes shorts.

So what kind of sock to wear with shorts and a casual shoe to avoid looking like a dork? Men’s shorty socks, of course, also known as ankle socks or low-rise socks. They really make a tremendously cool difference. Also, because you’ll only see a whisper of them outside of your shoe, it may not matter what colour they are = less to think about/easy.

Blisters

With heat comes sweat. Each of our feet contain 250,000 sweat glands. Any kind of friction on moist skin will case discomfort, wear at the skin, and maybe cause a blister. These are terrible and painful and can get infected if we don’t keep them clean.

TIP #5: To keep your foot drier and reduce friction on the foot, sprinkle baby, talcum, or Gold Bond powder on your foot after the shower to better absorb moisture.

Be aware of your foot in new seasonal footwear and be mindful of pressure and anything rubbing on your foot – this is where blisters and corns are born. There are lots of ways to remedy chafe, pressure, and blisters (before they start) like adhesive bandages, blister pads, and moleskin.

TIP #6:  Moleskin isn’t the skin of an actual mole – it’s the type of soft, thick material that resembles the mole’s skin. Moleskin is used much like an adhesive bandage roll, cut to the size you need and apply over the blister – good info here on this hiking website about how to prevent foot blisters.

Think of your foot as the state of your shoe – polished and well-kept, it reads respect – self and otherwise. I hope that makes your summer a little more comfortable and a little more stylish, fellas. Best wishes!