Tag Archives: aging

Anti-aging: Alternatives to Botox

1 Oct

syringeWhen I turned 40, my body started to do weird things. Hair growth patterns started to change, my energy levels changed, and most notably, my skin changed. I’ve been blessed with good genes, I don`t smoke, I eat well (I’m vegan), exercise, and I use organic skin products, so I think that I could look a lot worse, but I do see myself age and I understand how people feel once they start to physically and visually change.

I`m certainly not going to judge anyone for wanting to retain their youth – I`m doing it too, but I want to suggest some non-toxic anti-aging options for you to consider when the time comes. Before I go on, know that I err on the side of natural products and services for wellness, so this is my bias. I believe that there have to be better answers to anti-aging than having chemicals injected into the face to paralyze your muscles to keep wrinkles at bay, and that there are natural, effective, cruelty-free alternatives to toxic chemical concoctions that will not further spoil the earth.


If you look at the official Botox website, you`ll see lots of pictures of youthful-looking, Botox-injected women, and below that, the approved uses:  BOTOX® Cosmetic is a prescription medicine that is injected into muscles and used to temporarily improve the look of both moderate to severe crow’s feet lines and frown lines between the eyebrows in adults. 

Below that, you`ll see a really long list of warnings and side effects: IMPORTANT SAFETY INFORMATION: BOTOX® Cosmetic may cause serious side effects that can be life threatening . (Caps and bold text theirs.) Some of these side effects include problems swallowing, speaking, or breathing, muscle weakness, double vision, blurred vision, drooping eyelids,  and hoarseness. What is particularly interesting here is that these side effects are just the same as the symptoms of the life-threatening type of botulism. This is not a coincidence. Botox is made from a neurotoxin that is produced by bacterium Costridium Botulinum – botulism bacteria. This means that people are having neurotoxins made of food-poisoning bacteria injected into their face so they look younger.

Does this seem weird to you? It does to me. Still, the treatment remains popular for wrinkle reduction. The latest stats I could find were from 2005, when 142,374 Botox injections were given in Canada, and it has been increasing in use since then.

Google “Botox”and the first thing you will see are ads selling it for $7 – $10 per dose. Seems like a good deal, then you may learn how many of these discount shots you’ll need. Apparently, the forehead “could require about 12 to 16 units; frown lines can take 25 to 30 units and crow’s feet need 12 to 15 units per eye (men will need almost double that amount)” according to Canadian Living. Let`s say it costs $900 for a man’s face. If the Botox treatment lasts for 3 – 4 months and you get treated four times a year, that’s $3600 a year for facial injections of botulism bacteria to make you look younger.

Non-toxic age-defying options

A couple of weeks ago, I went to see my client, Dr. Greg Wells, the physiologist and sports television commentator, who offered me a glass of wine. I asked for a small pour and told him that if I have more than one glass of red wine, I feel as though I had ten, and wondered if I had developed an allergy.

”No,” he said, ”it’s the chemicals. There are chemicals in everything now and our bodies can have adverse reactions to them, that`s why you feel drunk after a glass of red.”

The vast majority of commercial grooming products, including skin care, consists of mostly water and chemicals. In fact, most of these mass-produced personal care products are made by chemical companies and our skin absorbs these products when we apply them. Have you noticed how many people now have allergies or sensitivities? The chemicals in personal care products can cause reactions in us like the red wine caused a reaction in me.

If this bothers you, read on. I’d like to introduce you to some options that I have tried myself and recommend.

Natural anti-aging options

Your first line of defense for youthful skin is your skin care regimen. A few years ago, I had a chance meeting with David Brooke, a partner at Skin Essence, an organic Canadian skin care company. David scheduled a demonstration of his products with me and I have been using Skin Essence products since then.

What I like about the line is that everything is organic and is made of natural extracts, oils, and minerals, free of all parabens, carcinogens, and sodium lauryl sulfate (often found in drug store personal care products as mentioned above). Skin Essence products are stored in tinted glass bottles to protect from UV light damage (as opposed to plastic containers which can leach chemicals into products), and their packaging is completely recyclable.

Skin Essence has a lot going for it but the best part is the results. Their line has specific products for dry, sensitive, and aging skin. I use their cleanser, eye serum, and facial moisturizer regularly, and my skin has greatly improved over time. For a woman over 40, this is good news, but what about the gents? One of my clients who leans toward natural products started using the eye serum and facial moisturizer and he’s happy with the results: ”I feel like a movie star every day!” he says.

Facial acupuncture

Facial acupuncture is an uncommon practice and requires extra accreditation. Compared to Botox, facial rejuvenation acupuncture is a non-toxic method of reducing wrinkles and signs of aging, and you`ll still be able to fully express through your face. I made an appointment to see Dr. Hilary Booth, naturopathic doctor at Toronto`s Darou Wellness to check out the procedure. Dr. Booth`s literature states that ”this treatment promotes a more youthful, glowing appearance by encouraging natural collagen production, increased circulation, and improved skin elasticity… and is noticeable after your first visit”. Indeed, my skin was noticeably smoother, tighter, and spongier after my first visit.

After a lengthy interview during the appointment, I lied on the table and Dr. Booth began the process. I had needles of varying thicknesses in my feet, legs, hands, and scalp, and dozens more in my face. Afterward, she gave me a cold compress to close facial blood vessels, then a warm compress to bring the blood back to the face, applied a lovely coconut, vitamin E, and rosehip oil blend, and gave a gentle head and neck massage. It’s a very relaxing treatment that works better on men than women, and the results last longer for men.

Neither Botox nor facial acupuncture is cheap, and like Botox, once is not enough. The first acupuncture  treatment ($200) lasts a mere 24 – 72 hours (I was sad to see my chin droop after a couple of days). After that, Dr. Booth recommends patients come in for 1 – 2 shorter treatments per week ($130 per treatment) for 4 – 6 weeks, then wean down to twice a month, then maintenance once a month. This treatment is not permanent and varies from person to person, skin condition to skin condition, and age, so some form of maintenance will have to continue. Again, men are better  off than women in this case because they have thicker skin which results in fewer facial wrinkles, and men don’t experience any loss of collagen like aging and post-menopausal women do.

If a person came in with deeply-lined skin did the full facial acupuncture treatment and monthly maintenance for a year, they would pay around $3250. Less than Botox, non-toxic, and no side effects; only the treatments take longer.

For anti-aging options, you be the judge.

In praise of older men

10 Oct


This time last year, at the tender age of 43, I admitted to some friends that I kissed a 60-year-old man. My friends, still in their 40s, had interesting responses. One of them sneered at me, but the other was curious. “What was it like?” he asked. “It was fantastic,” I said.

The gent in question had flown into Toronto that day from the UK, to attend a posh business/cocktail party associated with his work that I happened to be at. We had a wonderful conversation, and before I knew it, we were the only guests remaining. After bidding the hosts adieu, we shared a taxi back into the city and had a couple of drinks at his hotel bar. Like many women, I fell under the spell of a man who excited my mind, and a man who wanted to hear what I had to say, and I wanted to show my appreciation.

I invited myself up to his room under the guise of wanting to see what they’d done to the building since renovating it into a hotel/residence. After looking at the view and talking about the action on the street below, I sat down beside him and asked if I could kiss him. It was innocent, respectful, exciting, unhurried. Most of all, it was a refreshing change.

My phone rang at 8:30 the next morning. With a thick head, I struggled out of bed to answer it. It was the gentleman calling me from his plane back to London as it waited on the tarmac. He wanted to make sure I got home okay and we chatted for a few minutes before he said goodbye. It was a romantic dream. I felt like the heroine in an old movie.

I’ve known a lot of men in my life, but I’ve seldom been treated so well. My gentleman carried a hankie and the manners of a bygone age, from a time where men and women treated each other with respect. Meeting this man made me think about the differences between seasoned older men and the urgent expectations of younger men; about maturity and experience vs physicality and insecurity. An older man’s politeness, consideration, and charm can be irresistible, and if he’s anything like my guy, it doesn’t hurt if he resembles Gregory Peck.

Survey says

I became fascinated with the idea of older men with younger women and wanted to know how other women felt, so I devised a survey and got the opinions of a handful of women who have had some kind of romantic tie to men at least 15 years their senior. Most women think their older fellas are fantastic, with the exception of one woman who complained of being more of a “nurse-maid” than a romantic partner. That’s a risk that a younger woman might take, I suppose, but overall, women who like older men love older men.

Women found their mature men respectful, polite, handsome, generous, intelligent, kind, affectionate, sensitive, and good conversationalists; the men were not considered pushy, demanding, or materialistic. The majority of women who took the survey found their older men confident, aware, and responsible, and all women recognized the differences between older and younger men.

One woman offered this: “Older men seem to understand that they have to be full participants in a relationship. I’ve also dated younger men (much younger) and found the relationships were hollow and shallow. Older men know who they are, what they want and where they’re going. They are less selfish and self-absorbed. They are also more caring sex partners. I put it all down to older men have more experience with women and therefore are more sensitive to our needs.”

The jaded nurse-maid was the only woman who would not recommend dating older men, and rightly so, but most women agreed that men get better as they age. As one woman said, “Older men have a lot more going for them than we often think.”


When men reach their mid-30s and move into their 40s, they enter andropause, also known as man-o-pause, similar to women’s mid-life menopause where hormone levels change and people take on new behaviours. When testosterone levels begin to wane in men, many changes occur – vitality lessens, the sex drive and aggression decreases, and physical agility declines. This can be shocking for some men, but they have a choice to cruise into their golden years with grace.

The following short-term effects of andropause can include:

  • Decreased strength
  • Decreased endurance
  • Dermatological changes
  • Decreased libido
  • Decreased sexual performance
  • Dysphoria (restlessness)
  • Increased anxiety

Added to the effects of testosterone deficiency comes loss of muscle mass that, according to this Huffington Post article, includes higher fat levels as muscle converts to fat, and more fat means testosterone converts to estrogen. Increased estrogen can look like many things like a heavier frame and “man boobs”  (yes, even 007 has developed moobs – have a look at Roger Moore as a senior). Some of these changes may not be welcome, and depending on the man, could be thought of as a defeat, but an increase in estrogen is what makes men more sensitive and better listeners, and this is what the women in the survey found so appealing.

The style of the older gent

Researching for this post, I did a general search for “older men” and had to pick out the rare bits that were not focused on health issues like increased urination, risk of falls, or a preoccupation with the falling libido. I waded through scathing articles written by women about men growing meaner as they get older, terrible sex-crazed articles describing how thirtysomething “older” men should deal with the conniving, sex-obsessed, gold-digging twentysomethings. I was crestfallen to find few articles mentioning the allure of older gentlemen appealing to a woman’s sense of intelligence, and so too, anything about the style of an older gent.

For the Baby Boomers who bore the youthquake movement of the 1960s, their youthful ideals have in the end betrayed them, and we find ourselves in a youth-focused society where older people are almost entirely overlooked. It’s a shame – we miss out on how awesome they are. As a men’s image consultant, I am blessed to work with older men who want to reinvent themselves during the second part of their lives and become the men they’ve always wanted to be. 

We’ve been conditioned to think of aging as a sentence, as a terrible end to life, but it’s all about perspective. Take it from actor/model Gerry Hennessy who, at age 67, would rather talk about style than ill health:

“Surely personal style is one of the choices that define us as individuals,” he says, “It is the wrapping on the package that identifies you as a man who is interesting, interested, fearless and worth knowing. That is why abandoning your sense of style as you age makes as much sense as retiring at 65.

“If only older men took the time to explore and experience the sense of well-being that personal style brings to the life table, then perhaps we would have more things to discuss than the things ageing generally brings. It is a matter of finding inner peace through life’s style choices – I age, therefore I style.”

Further reading: In Praise of Older Men (Elle magazine)

The Myth of Older Men Wanting Younger Women (Huff Post)

Rent older men in Japan!

Oh, grow up

1 Aug

boy-wearing-dads-clothesAll, or at least most of us at one point in our life, cross the threshold and enter the House of Adulthood where things are a little quieter and little more refined; when we care more about quality than quantity, and where substance is just as important as style.

It’s a strange time, realizing you’ve outgrown your high volume,  fast cars, and tight trousers. My friend Chris posted a Facebook rant about a place he used to frequent and revisited as an adult: “It used to be a great restaurant. Now its like a god damn club. Super loud crappy music, yelling at bartenders for drinks and young skanks getting picked up by greasy steroid bulked dudes. Terrible, just terrible.”

I suppose that being conscious of moving into the Adult House is quite different than just complaining about things being different that what you’re used to. It is the very act of being aware of our adulthood that enables us to embrace it and own it.

Several men have come to me recently, saying they want to look more grown up; they want to stop dressing like brats, ditch the devil-may-care attitude towards their dress, and embrace their adulthood. (It’s a wonderful gift to be asked to help a guy come of sartorial age.)

Take my friend, Patrick, for example. I saw him last week and he excitedly told me about a jacket that he purchased in Montreal. He thought it would help him look more grown up.

“I’m sick of wearing track pants and hoodies,” he said, “I want to look more mature, more my age. I’m coming up to 35, you know.”

He brought out the natural linen jacket with wooden buttons, explaining that he really liked the jacket and got it on sale, but the sleeves were too short and he wasn’t sure how to wear it.

That he chose a linen sports jacket is unto itself a step toward adulthood – as opposed to stretchy, sporty, youthful fabrics, linen is sturdy and sensible, and even a lightly structured linen jacket gives a squared off shoulder and visual maturity. So there’s that.

Normally, wearing a jacket with too-short sleeves is a sartorial sin and looks visually immature, but there were elements working in Patrick’s favour that helped get him around it (one must be practical in times of seasonal sales!). Though the sleeves are not lined and the seams show on the underside, the jacket did have working surgeon’s cuffs (buttons and buttonholes to open the cuff). To hide the too-short sleeve and add a bit of style to the jacket, I opened the cuffs, folded them back, and pushed them up a little – instant fix.

Patrick wore a t-shirt under the jacket, making it fun (we were going to a party), but he could also have worn a collared shirt and folded the cuffs over the jacket cuffs to cover the seams, add some colour, and give a little more visual refinement.

Details can also speak of maturity: after placing a wonderful folded pocket square (peaks up) in the breast pocket, Patrick decided to lose the brightly-coloured pin stuck in the buttonhole. I couldn’t have agreed more – the handkerchief set off the jacket and spoke of refinement, while the fun pin seemed at odds with the toned-down jacket.

So a simple but versatile linen sports jacket ushered Patrick into the House of Adulthood, and he’s eager to settle in. He’s a guy with a good attitude toward aging, and looks forward to see how he matures so he can reinvent himself, change his closets, and get comfortable in his new digs.

The beauty of aging

23 Jun

Old age is the most unexpected of all things that can happen to a man.                     – Leon Trotsky

Rohan Francis, Mr. Caribbean Canada 2008

39 is not old. It isn’t even middle-aged, but 39 isn’t exactly fresh either. By the age of 39, we have become more mature and established, but our bodies have changed, we’ve got “life lines” on our faces, our energy may have waned some, we may be more susceptible to injury, and maybe it’s time for reading glasses.

When we think of male “beauty pageants” or “fitness modelling contests” as they are known, men at the ripe old age of 39 are probably not an obvious choice in contestant, but at 39, personal trainer, Rohan Francis, decided to enter one of these contests, won the title of Mr. Caribbean Canada, and went on to compete in Mr. Caribbean International.

“It was my last kick at the can,” Rohan says, explaining that he was by far the oldest contestant in the 2008 competition, his competitors 10-14 years his junior.

Rohan’s rivals were confident and self-assured islanders, fit, and living healthy lifestyles, and judged by the usual “beauty contest” categories: modeling casual wear, then swimwear (to show off their brawn and physiques), talent (Rohan did a dance routine), then a question and answer session to spotlight the intellect and personality (I believe that this is the category that won Rohan the title – he’s a shining star here).

When I asked him how he felt about going on display, he told me that when he was 25, he knew what he had and he worked it.

“At that age, a guy is all about ego and getting laid,” he said.

At 39 however, the motivation was different. Rohan explained that instead of focusing all of his energy on sex and how to get it as a younger man, “life is more than your looks and sex appeal, it’s more about character and aspirations about things outside of yourself.”

Through the competitive modelling experience, Rohan learned that he could still compete with younger men but didn’t walk around with a chip on his shoulder and a puffed up chest like I’ve seen some older men do in imagined or real competition with younger fellas. I suppose these older guys are clinging to their former strength and fear of losing potency, perhaps not rational but completely understandable.


As men age, their testosterone levels drop and they experience what is called andropause (also known as “man-o-pause”). Somewhere after the age of 40, hormones slowly wane, accompanied by “changes in attitudes and moods, ongoing fatigue, a loss of vitality, and decreased sex drive. Added to this, there is usually a decline in physical agility and ability,” says the Masters Men’s Clinic website.

According to Andropause Canada, men may experience the following short-term effects of andropause:

  • Decreased strength
  • Decreased endurance
  • Dermatological changes
  • Decreased libido
  • Decreased sexual performance
  • Dysphoria (restlessness)
  • Increased anxiety

Because the testosterone deficiency causes the loss of muscle mass and bone density, it can make a guy feel tired and can affect his self-esteem. Though this could threaten a man’s virility and his sense of self-worth, the post-30s should really be a time in a man’s life that he accepts and embraces.

As Rohan says, “It’s important to respect the body especially as we age. The body wears down so we shouldn’t try to do at 39 what we did at 25. Play it smarter and respect the aging process but don’t feel that you’re incapable.”


Winning a title such as Mr. Caribbean Canada could have been all about Rohan, Rohan’s ego, Rohan dripping with star-struck women, and Rohan getting more stuff because he’s a title-holder. But being older and wiser, Rohan used his title and notoriety for good, seeing it as a launch pad for business exposure and to help his community.

He was featured in a few magazines including Sway, a quarterly urban magazine, and had a wardrobe supplied by Anthony’s Formal Wear for a year. Nice perks, but what is really cool is that Rohan used his influence to make his community better.

Rohan recognized that blood donations from the black community were (and still are) lacking, so knowing the far reaches of the gift of blood, our champion continues to promote blood donation to his community in support of the Canadian Blood Services. (Before I spoke to Rohan, I thought that blood was blood but apparently, Rohan’s blood has less vitamin D than my caucasian blood does, and this influences the tendency to acquire hypertension in black people – check this site and please enlighten us in the comments if you have further info on this subject).


I came across several websites that sing the praises of older men and the younger women that love them while researching for today’s post, and there are lots of reasons to opt for an older gent including maturity, experience and the confidence that comes from being experienced, and a different kind of appreciation for women than younger guys riding the waves of blinding, pumping hormones might have.

Our old geezer in question had figured some things out about women that were different from his former attitudes, and certainly different than the attitudes of some of his younger competitors. Without so much focus on his ego, Rohan says that “intellect is the ultimate thing to win a woman over but to keep her, you’re going to need creativity, some “swag” (coolness), character, confidence, fun, and sex appeal.”


Having had the fitness contest experience, Rohan says that it’s time to reevaluate how we look at men and I couldn’t agree more. It should be about character, he thinks, not about how tight a guy’s buns are. It’s also about older men being empowered and self-affirming.

Now as a 42 year-old, Rohan says, “I can still live life to its fullest and I can still function and be relevant and vital.”

Indeed, in Fire in the Belly: On Being a Man, author and philospher Sam Keen writes that “to age gracefully, we must aspire to become wise and beautiful elders. For this, men require a revolution in identity in which we measure success by our capacity for compassion rather than by accumulation of power, and virility by the capacity to mature, husband, and mentor.”

Sounds good to me.