Man boobs

Gynecomastia, enlarged male mammaries, also known as” man boobs” or “moobs”, can be a tricky condition both physically and psychologically. If you “carrying extra baggage on the top floor”, as Seinfeld’s Kramer would say, read on.

This condition is complex and its origins are difficult to pin down; man boobs happen for many different reasons and different stages of a male’s life.

TIME attributes the condition to aging and also to hormones in adolescent boys, stating, “Nearly half of all men will experience it at some point in their lives, and not necessarily at the end. In fact, it’s most common during adolescence; 65% of boys have it at the age of 13 or 14.”

There are three stages in a male’s life when breasts can develop: infancy, when breast tissue is stimulated by high levels of estradiol and progesterone produced by the mother during pregnancy; in puberty, where hormones are completely out of whack as estrogen levels increase and jockey for position with testosterone; and as men’s testosterone levels decline and body fat increases as he ages, men over 60 experience increased estrogen which may be a factor in developing gynecomastia.

Endotext, a resource for endocrinology (hormone) professionals, explains that a “significant percentage of gynecomastia is caused by medications or exogenous chemicals that result in increased estrogen effect.” This includes some psychoactive drugs (e.g. Diazepam), cardiac and anti-hypertensive medications, drugs for infectious diseases (e.g.  Indinavir, for HIV/AIDS antiretroviral therapy), and illicit drugs like heroin.

No matter what the cause, enlarged mammaries can be psychologically difficult for men and boys to deal with. For some, man boobs can be nothing short of mortifying. I just tried searching “man boobs emotional/social support”, and I get pages of “how to get rid of man boobs” instead of how to reconcile them.

Am I surprised? Not at all. Am I saddened by the lack of support for boobed men? Absolutely.

Moob solutions

Plastic surgery is a drastic option for minimizing man boobs. The procedure removes tissue, scars, and causes pain. It should be the last resort.

According to Muscle & Fitness, part of the moob solution is in diet – easing up on estrogen-producing foods like wheat and grains and instead consuming foods high in monounsaturated fats like avocados, nuts, and olive oil to produce testosterone.  Zinc supplements are also recommended. Talk to a dietitian or a doctor about it.

I asked lifelong athlete and certified personal trainer, Patrick Marano, for exercises men can do to banish the moobs. Patrick suggests three main exercises that focus on building the pectorals, and recommends starting your training with lower weights and higher repetitions, increasing the weight as you get stronger:

1. Bench press: Lie on your back on a weight bench and a lift bar bell up and down slowly. As you move into heavier weights, always have someone “spot” you so there are no accidents!

2. Pectoral fly: Or the “Pec Deck” as Patrick calls it. The act of squeezing the pectorals helps strengthen them. This exercise is done on a weight machine.

3. Classic push up: Be sure you’re in proper form with a straight line from your head through your back to your heels, hands under shoulders. Patrick says to do “as many as you can”  and repeat for 3 – 5 sets. Lower slowly and push up slowly. If this is too challenging, push up from your knees instead of your feet.

Dressing the man boob

Obesity is also a major factor in gynecomastia, but not all heavy men have man boobs. A couple of differently shaped clients of mine have man boobs: one is heavy, rotund, and very confident, and the other is medium-sized, active, and very aware of his moobs (that are smaller in real life than they are in his head).

My job as an image consultant is to help my guys feel and look good in their clothes, so instead of resorting to the outright lie of compression garments to flatten your chest, try these dressing tips:

• Avoid clingy fabrics that outline and accentuate your bumps and lumps;
• Avoid heavy cotton sweaters – these tend to “fold” around man boobs when you’re sitting;
• Wear patterned shirts that move the eye around,  but avoid horizontal stripes if you’re a larger man;
• Jackets, cardigans, and vests do well to cover your chest excess;
• Wear clothes that are your correct size – wearing too-big shirts to hide behind won’t do you any favours;
• Wear a well-fit sleeveless undershirt alone in hot weather or under your shirt to smooth you out and hold you in (yes, men with boobs could use some support too without resorting to “The Bro” or the “Man-sseir”).

Shaped fakery: compression garments

This Internet find does not have the sexy Spanx for Men packaging, but it does show what it is to put a band-aid on a wound.

Gents, would you wear a girdle, even if you knew John Wayne wore one? How about a compression garment, even if you weren’t post-surgery or an athlete? Would you wear a shaping garment for ego’s sake?

I understand that wearing a compression piece can visually reduce inches from a person’s frame and boost confidence. This is great, but at the end of the day, you’re still you, you still live in the body you obviously aren’t happy with because you’re trying to instantly change it, and sooner or later, your secret will be revealed.

Bubble butt technology

There are all sorts of shaping pieces for different areas – stomach, back, chest, even your butt.

In my research for today’s post and found this article from a few years ago, raving about compression garments. It’s a funny piece, describing different companies making different compression garments that can pare inches off the waist, lift the butt, and straighten spines.

This led me to the Andrew Christian clothing website, which offers bubble butt technology – with frontal enhancement – in a jock strap design that pushes your bum cheeks together with side compression – I don’t want to know how it enhances the front. (Gay and gay curious men are bound to find this more interesting than straight men (though you never know)).

Equmen offers garments with “helix-mapping technology”, to “immediately improve health, well-being and visible appearance”, and in a Slim ‘N Lift undershirt with firming panels  “you can look inches smaller and pound [sic] thinner without exercise”. In other words, wear our garments if you’re too lazy to take care of yourself.

The New York Times declares men’s Spanx, shaping garments that form, contour, and compress,  a huge hit in stores and online. A Neiman Marcus spokesperson suggested that one way for men to think of a foundation garment is that it is about “problem solving, and another way of feeling secure and prepared for life.”

I consider Spanx as modern-day armor, which makes sense since we live in a society that pits us against each other and teaches us not to like ourselves – hey, it’s about “problem-solving” after all. To my mind, shaping garments sells us temporary relief from what we don’t like about our selves, keeping us as far away from self-acceptance as possible.

But it’s all about perspective. From my perspective, I say that in an arm wrestle between honesty and ego, honesty should always win.

Lies

Shaping garments are to me, the band-aid solution to a larger problem – fat, a result of low self-esteem, depression, poor education, a sluggish thyroid, or just plain laziness.  Wearing a shaping garment does not change the fact that you’ve got a weight problem. I fear that people who wear compression garments will treat this as an instant slimming insurance policy and a license to overeat.

Fat is a consequence of lifestyle choices.

“If your pipes are clogged, you call a plumber,” says Jason Brown, personal trainer at Snap Fitness in Toronto, “If your challenge is weight or an unhealthy lifestyle, you call trainers and nutritionists.”

“People want the easy way out,” he says, “but unfortunately there is no easy way out. Being in the shape you want takes commitment, consistency, and effort. Getting healthy is a process, not a product.”

As I spoke with Jason, I realized this all comes down to one concept – behaviour modification. This means change, and that can scare people.

Keep it real

Have we reached a point where natural has become taboo? That fantasy has become reality, where compressed bodies and photo-shopped faces are preferred to real people? I hope not.

Compression garments are not your savior, they are not a ticket to a better life, they will not fix the problems you’re not dealing with. Compression garments are addictive like drugs. Once you’re on them, you can’t stop, like the fateful day you decided to put a wig on your balding head.

Instead of wearing dishonest foundation garments, try these simple dressing and lifestyle tips:

• Wear your waistband on your waist, not under your belly – this draws attention to the vastness of your abdomen;
• Visually break up your front by wearing a sports jacket or a waistcoat over your  shirt, or wear vertical (NEVER horizontal) stripes to add an illusion of trimness while adding height;
• Wear clothes that fit properly – not too large, not to small, but just right;
• Become conscious of how much fat you’re consuming and make some easy changes – go easy on the butter, the milk, the cream, and dairy in general – you will notice your pants feeling looser soon enough;
• Stand straight with your shoulders square and visually lift 5 lbs from your abdomen;
• Drink more water;
• Try a cleanse;
• Go for more walks;
• Discover self-respect and how awesome you already are.

Stress and the man

We all experience stress in our lives, but we don’t talk about it enough – men especially – but there is growing interest in the topic – upon this writing, “men and stress” catches 239,000,000 Google results.

I spoke to a couple of stress experts through the Distress Centres Ontario (DCO),  a provincial organization that provides support services to lonely, depressed, and suicidal people, often via a 24-hour crisis line.

DCO presented “The Good, The Bad and the Ugly of Stress”, focusing on how to shift from a stress reaction to a support response in our body.

Asha Croggan and Arianne Richeson co-presented the learning event – Asha provides support to crisis lines and suicide networks across Canada and is the Provincial Programs Manager for Suicide and Mental Health Networks, and Arianne Richeson is the Manager of Educational Service at Distress Centre of Ottawa and Region. Below are some of their findings from the presentation:

1) Men and women respond to stress differently – the difference between “fight or flight” and “care or share”.

2) Our autonomic nervous system is responding in every second to every feeling we experience. This means that even when we feel we are “handling it well”, our bodies may still be experiencing a stress response.

3) Science has shown that we actually transmit these feelings through the electromagnetic field of the heart.  The brain has an electromagnetic field of 1″ from the body … the heart’s electromagnetic field is 4 feet from the body.

4) Cortisol, a hormone released in response to stress, continues to cycle up to 12 hours after a stress reaction in the body. This results in poorer/disrupted sleep which in turn lowers our ability to respond effectively to stress. (For further reading on cortisol and easy ways to reduce it, click here.)

5) Emotions that have a depleting effect on our bodies – worry, frustration, and anger -  create cortical inhibition (cortical = cerebral cortex – the brain’s outer layer central to memory, attention, perceptual awareness, language, thought, and consciousness) which in turn diminishes the brain’s capacity to problem-solve, recall coping strategies, and effectively communicate. Renewing feelings such as gratitude, joy, and enthusiasm that have a supportive effect on the body and helps to open the mind. (It also draws good things to you.)

Men and women not only experience stress differently, they are subject to gender-specific stresses. In Is stress harder on men? , Ottawa psychotherapist Wesley Moore says that especially at work, “men often feel they have to outperform everyone else. This can be a huge source of pressure, especially if there is also an internal dialogue that he must be the ‘breadwinner’ for his family.”

Women often have support networks for times of stress, but men are less likely to ask for help or talk about their situations, which makes them vulnerable to stress-related problems; not feeling that he has an outlet to release his stress will keep it trapped in the mind and the body.

To dodge the stress in their lives, men are more likely to engage in some kind of distraction – i.e.  a friend of mine told me he got over the grief of a break up by “going to sleep” when he felt overwhelmed by sadness; amusement of new toys or hobbies,  or the darker road of chemical distraction – alcohol, drugs, and tobacco.

Distracted or not, men experiencing stressful situations like interpersonal problems, financial difficulties, and violence “were linked to psychological problems, such as anxiety, mental distress, and lack of coherence,” according to a 2002 Finnish study.

Quite often, stress is in the eye of the beholder – it is something perceived in the brain, not necessarily real in 3D reality. A stressed brain can be overwhelming, but there are lots of easy ways to cope with it and calm it down. Asha and Arianne compiled some simple ways to deal with stress, beginning with becoming conscious of it:

1)      Be aware of your stress alarms and triggers.  Your body uses symptoms to express when it is in a stress response.  Once you understand this “language” you can become more aware of how often you are under stress, and recognize the alarms when they go off. Common stress alarms are headaches, digestion issues, irritation, withdrawal, over/under eating.  Reflect on the stress alarms you experience physically, emotionally, and behaviourally. This will help you to better determine the triggers in your life, so you can prepare for them.

2)      Take your “emotional pulse” throughout the day.  The body is responding in every moment to how you “feel”. Your emotions set off a cascade of over 1,500 biochemical reactions and responses in the body. (!) Pause throughout the day to take your emotional pulse and see whether you feel a depleting or renewing emotion.

3)      Shift through breathing.  A critical tool you have in your “stress toolkit” is your breath.  Calm yourself by simply becoming aware of your breath.  Slow the breath down so it is deeper than normal.

4)      Choose healthy debriefing. It is important and healthy to recognize when an event has affected you, and to reach out to share how you are feeling.

5)      Use the P.A.U.S.E. Approach:  When you recognize you are experiencing stress:

• Pause.  Catch your breath.  Take a moment so you can choose to respond rather than react.
• Ask yourself. Is this true?  Is this important?  Is this something I truly need to deal with now?
• Use your tools.  Utilize your coping and communication skills, breathing exercises, and if need be, take some space so you can calm yourself and assess next steps.
• Self-care.  A stressed mind is a closed mind.  Practice self-care so you can slow the stress reaction in your body.  A coherent, calm body supports stronger memory, creative problem-solving and communication – all important skills in responding to stress.
• Express yourself.   Express how you feel, set your boundaries, debrief with someone you trust, or reach out for professional support.

We all feel stress weighing heavily upon us for all sorts of reasons, but please don’t be afraid to reach out for help when you’re in need. There is support all over the world, and volunteers eager to listen without judgement.

Some distress organizations in Canada and worldwide:

Distress Centre British Columbia

Inform Alberta

Reason to Live Manitoba

Distress Centres Ontario

Chimo Helpline, New Brunswick

Northwest Territories Help Line

Samaritans UK

Befrienders Worldwide

The power of men’s shoulders

It has always been my opinion that a man’s strength lies in his shoulders. Whereas women’s bodies have two expanses – the shoulders and the hips that meet at the waist (the smallest point of a woman’s torso and what I think of as the point of our femininity), men’s shoulders are much larger, broader, and rounder, holding his power and displaying his magnificence.

Zoologist, Desmond Morris, said in his BBC series, The Human Animal,  that a man’s wide shoulders above a narrow  waist is considered the most appealing. This classical shape speaks of a strong, healthy, and masculine body, and men often wear clothes to draw attention to the breadth of their shoulders, exaggerating their size, and visually increasing their power.

Saskatchewan Roughriders

Take football players for example. Their padding is there to protect their shoulders but also to magnify them. Football uniforms exaggerate a player’s small waist and wide chest and shoulders, undoubtedly to intimidate the opposing team with their size, strength, and power.

Albeit all of the protective equipment worn on the “battlefield” of the football stadium, these men are not in the mortal danger that underpadding was created for – protection from weapons.

War

Unfortunately, where there is disagreement, there are wars, and with wars come weapons. The use of weapons calls for protection, and throughout history, body protection has come in different forms – thick quilted fabric, leather armor, and metal armor, each type with its own kind of shoulder protection.

In Medieval times, armies and knights wore rounded, moveable metal plates called pauldrons, worn to protect the shoulders in battle. Over these rounded pieces, armored fighters wore a gardbrace to protect the shoulder of their free arm. Sometimes two gardbraces were worn with raised guards at the top to deflect blows to the neck.

Henry VIII’s already enormous frame was further exaggerated by his armor. He wore one gardbrace with a huge guard (sometimes in the form of large spikes) on one shoulder – as seen on the left. Also note the armored codpiece peeking out of the faulds of his breastplate – even in battle, never forget the King’s penis!

Read this interesting take on Henry’s enormous girth in Daily Mail UK.

In Japan, the Samurai tradition paid special attention to the shoulders of their costume. Real Samurai wore the sode, rectangular shoulder protectors made of iron or wood strips laced together with leather. These shoulder pieces were very large during periods when bow and arrows were used as main weapons, getting smaller as Japanese armies operated on horseback. (Source.)

For modern men who wish to don armor but don’t feel like carrying around 45 lbs of extra weight, I found a Korean designer on Etsy who has created a wool “armor” hoodie, complete with fabric pauldrons, and designed so the eye moves up to the powerful shoulders.

Even when not in battle proper, men’s shoulders have been excessively decorated to draw attention to this manly body feature.

Matador costume, Museum in Ronda Bullring Arena, Ronda, Andalusia, Spain

Before bullfighting was recently (and thankfully) banned in Spain, Matadors risked goring by bulls, but strangely, their costumes offered little protection from the hard horns of an angry bull.  These  costumes featured short pants, long stockings, and a beautiful jacket with hombrera, heavily decorated shoulder pads, again drawing attention to the virile Matador’s V shape.

Because there was such little protection for the bullfighter, I’m assuming that the gorgeous, heavily adorned costume was meant for show, drawing attention to the beauty of the Matador who received for his work not the spoils of war, but roses tossed out when the crowd was pleased with his performance.

Character shoulders

Wide, majestic shoulders can give a man the illusion of size, making him more imposing than he actually is. On film and on stage, wide, exaggerated shoulders speak of size and power in heroes and villains.

Hero types are often young and strong, like Thor of The Avengers. Thor’s power is displayed through  (the illusion of) his wide shoulders.

The actor underneath does not have particularly imposing shoulders, so the costume designer illustrates Thor’s power through the illusion of big, powerful shoulders in a V-shaped breastplate with an exaggerated cape growing out of it, drawing the eye to the girth of the breastplate and the colour of the cape instead of the width of the arm.

The power suggested by broad shoulders can add a touch of menace to a villainous character. Darth Vader is tall, dark, and broad-shouldered, cloaked in a large black cape to make him a very intimidating and imposing figure.

Orcs of Middle Earth have little patience for each other and strongly adhere to their hierarchical power structure. Like any other army, these horribly ugly Lord of the Rings creatures wear costumes that demonstrate their military position, and their the shoulder pads speak of their rank.

Here, the small, whiny foot soldier Orc wears what looks like bear fur shoulder pads on his cloak, decorated with what I’m guessing are pig’s teeth. Senior Orcs not only stand taller, but wear larger leather shoulder pieces for instant visual recognition of their rank.

Suits

Modern day armies flood into office buildings every day in their version of armor – the suit. Suits, with their padded, squared-off shoulders suggest credibility and authority, but suit shoulders can get out of hand – remember the 80s? Men and women wore suits with massive, jutting padded shoulders to exemplify power. While these magnificent expanses spoke of the wearer’s clout, they didn’t do much to frame the face – to0-wide shoulders diminish the head, giving visions of melons on teeter-totters.

Reinventing after divorce

Ted, before

The first time I met him, Ted wore disheveled biking clothes and his eyes were bloodshot from laser surgery a few weeks before. He sat hunched over his coffee cup, eyes averted, arms occasionally crossed over his chest. He seemed absent somehow.

Soon off the top of our conversation, he talked about his failed marriage and his imminent divorce. He said he numbed out and lost 20 pounds of muscle after his wife told him about her affair.

Ted was a wounded man but he was ready to change. He just didn’t know how.

As a men’s image consultant, I make it my job to transform men into their genuine selves – not the men that society demands. I believe that all men are wonderful, but many have been influenced by outside forces that want to control and mold him into who they think he should be.

To me, this is abusive to men and their true nature that should be nurtured and celebrated.

Ted’s story

After Ted hired me, I got to know him through an in-depth questionnaire so I could understand his character, his life, and how he sees the world; what he likes to do, what he reads, who he listens to, and what kind of art he likes.

Ted, after

Failed relationships with women tend to put the fear in men, and Ted said at the beginning of our first session that I was the only person on earth who knew this much about him, and he was a little nervous about that. I assured his emotional safety and dove into the character of this interesting man. I began to understand what a handy and creative guy he is – Ted can take a brick chimney apart with his bare hands and he loves Steve McQueen movies.

“Simply by meeting with Leah and talking about the good things we both wanted for me was, in and of itself, a change,” Ted explains, “My many negative thoughts were replaced by hopeful, positive ones. We spoke about the past but never dwelled on it – our immediate focus was on making a positive change in the near future.”

Our bodies tell the truth even when we choose not to. Ted’s body language told the story of his battered emotions and fragile ego. I gave him my observations.

Females are born with the ability to read faces and respond to eye contact. Since Ted intended to get past his bad relationship and meet more women, I assigned homework to work on his gaze to come across as sincere and present, asking for updates every week. After a few weeks of conscious eye contact, Ted said that he felt “so much more powerful” in his interactions with women, and they responded well to him.

When we moved into the physical part of process, we worked on body consciousness, body proportions, lifestyle assessment, and colour analysis that cleared his skin, brought his eyes into focus, and turned up his handsome. We were ready to build a new, efficient, and flattering wardrobe to give Ted fewer pieces to fuss over, more outfits to wear, and a new way to express himself.

“After getting out there in my new wardrobe, I’m happy about every  decision I made. I’ve never received so many unprovoked compliments from people before,” Ted says,”I think guys in similar situations can have a similar experience in the image program, but they have to want change and be entirely open to it.”

The short end of the emotional stick

I looked for ways to further support Ted on his journey and was at once horrified but not surprised to see that there is a small amount of support for divorced dads and a comparatively miniscule amount of support for divorced men without children, like Ted.

This seems to say that if the man isn’t supporting other lives, he’s useless.

The lack of emotional support translates into a familiar and unjust message of men being expected to suck up all of the pain associated with divorce and carry on as if nothing happened.

A social attitude like this is a catalyst for drug and alcohol abuse, depression, and in some cases, suicide. This casts a terrible shadow on our society and from my perspective, is an example of sexism and emotional violence against men.

I found a therapist in Toronto who specializes in divorce. Bernie Golden is a counsellor/psychotherapist and family mediator. He also facilitates a Separation and Divorce Self-Help Group.

Bernie recognizes the social need to support men in their struggles “because men hurt and they deserve to have that hurt acknowledged; men should have an accessible and effective network of supports, and if they don’t, this can have a significant negative impact on a person’s emotional and physical health.”

He too acknowledges the societal problems that arise when people’s struggles are not recognized or supported, saying that when emotional difficulties are ignored, we are all diminished and we all suffer from this neglect.

“My clients often express their frustration over the lack of support for men,” he says, “I hear my client’s frustration when they reach out for individual support from friends and family; when they reach for support from non-profits, organized groups, and professionals, and I hear about the frustration around not feeling supported or understood from a larger societal perspective.  Many men perceive and are faced with a societal indifference to providing them with the emotional support that they need.”

Men in Toronto can get in touch with Bernie at 416-951-1288 or through berniegolden.com.

Services

Society is (very) slowly noticing the difficulties that divorced men face.

Google anything about divorced men and you’ll find mostly legal and financial websites, some more bitter than others, to support men during their most difficult times. It is truly shocking how few services there are for the divorced man.

I knew there had to be more, so I kept searching.

I found a wonderful specialized interior design service that reworks space for people in states of transition, namely divorced men.

Deirdre Dyment, of the Deirdre Dyment Design Group in Toronto, helps to create beautiful, happy homes for clients after life-changing events.

“There’s much more involved in leaving the matrimonial home than packing a suitcase and signing a lease,” her website says, “I want to create an environment that will inspire and get the individual that has moved excited about the next chapter of their life.”

Now we’re getting somewhere.

I came across a women’s dating movement in the UK that has its sights set on divorced men.

The PUMAs – women on the hunt for Previously Married and Attractive men, see divorced men as having greater relationship experience, with “the likelihood they will be more sensitive to their partner’s needs, and that they have demonstrated serious commitment in the past,” says this Daily Mail story.

Though this is focused in Britain, I’m quite sure there are PUMAs prowling  the North American continent as well, gents. After reading the news story, I can absolutely see why smart women would want a man experienced with relationships and with women.

Things are slowly changing for divorced men, but we have a long way to go.

Ted is on a new road now. He’s had a fun summer, feeling better about himself,  juggling women that seem to have come out of the woodwork, and taking a new pride in himself.

“While the whole ordeal may seem a bit overwhelming, I think it’s well worth it for men to invest a few dollars more in themselves,” Ted says in support of his broken brothers, “I went through the image process and I feel comfortable and confident and much more like the man I actually am, not the man my divorce made me feel like.”

MAO-A: The “warrior” gene

 

DNA fingerprint

In the early 1990s, geneticist Dr. Han Brunner studied a Dutch family whose male relatives were prone to violence. He discovered that the MAO-A gene, a gene crucial to managing anger, was inactive in the male relations.

The MAO-A gene controls the production of monoamine oxidases (MAOs) enzymes that break down neurotransmitters, serotonin, dopamine, and adrenalin, and are capable of affecting mood.  The MAO-A gene acts as a mop to clean up the serotonin, bringing us back to normal. A mutation in this gene, as seen in the males in the Dutch family, cannot control serotonin levels, and this results in violent behaviour.

The MAO-A gene is present in all of us, carried on the X chromosome, giving women two copies and men one. The second copy in women is believed to result in increased happiness, but the one copy in men has very different results.

The genetic mutation is surprisingly common – 1 in 3 men carry a shortened, less active version of the gene, considered as the cause of anti-social behaviour in Caucasian men if they suffered childhood abuse, and responsible for violent behaviour in some males.

“Warrior gene”

In 1993 when the gene was first studied by Dr. Brunner, the MAO-A mutation and it’s related behaviours became known as the “criminal gene”.

“That was picked up by the media to be called a “criminal gene,” and even the senior author on the paper publicly stated… that it was ridiculous to call it that,” explains Jonathan Beckwith, professor of Microbiology and Molecular Genetics at Harvard Medical School.

“When the media presents these findings in a dramatic way, there are at least hints from the scientists themselves that it should be taken that way. That’s not always the case, though sometimes scientists who produce the work become quite dismayed at its interpretation by the media,” he says. (Source.)

Time passed. The “criminal gene” became the “aggression gene”, and in 2004, through misquotes and miscommunications, the genetic mutation got a new title, the “warrior gene”.

The name derived from testing a very small sample of Maori men from New Zealand, a tribe with a history of warfare.  Unfortunately, the press got a hold of it and the Maoris became known as genetically predisposed to violence and criminal acts, but there is no direct evidence to support this. (See this article from the New Zealand Medical Journal for more information.)

The choice of the term “warrior gene” has huge implications because “warrior” conjures a strongman who can stoically protect and provide for his people. It seems to me that naming a genetic mutation associated with violent behaviour after an appealing masculine archetype is to glorify it. And this can be dangerous.

Born to Rage

National Geographic produced a documentary in 2010 about the “warrior gene”, hosted by Henry Rollins, front man for the American punk band, Black Flag. Henry believes he carries the “warrior gene” because his anger is always simmering just below the surface.

The doc focuses on men from diverse backgrounds and their genetic makeup, testing to see who carries the mutated MAO-A gene. Bikers, Buddhist monks, ex-gang members, mixed martial arts (MMA) athletes, and a Navy Seal participated in the program.

Some of the guys self-identified as warriors and expected to carry the mutation, even boasted about it. A flash of disappointment crossed their faces when they heard the news that they’re genes are normal.

The bikers’ DNA results were split right down the middle – the quiet ones carried the shortened gene. One described himself as “battling a demon”, another “in constant anger”, like Henry.

Shortened gene carriers from violent backgrounds often turn violent themselves, as seen in the two ex-gang members, initiated into gang life at the age of 10, and becoming two of the most feared “enforcers” in Los Angeles.

However, violence is not always the outcome of this combination. The Buddhist monks, all from violent or difficult backgrounds carry the mutation, but dedicate their lives to peace and enlightenment.

All MMA fighters, men in their 20s, expected to carry the gene because they are in top physical condition and know how to fight. Through their training, these are fighters are in physical and emotional control of themselves, and do not fly into the sudden “warrior gene” rage. None of them carried  the shortened gene.

A MAO-A gene  mutation isn’t always associated with violence – the Navy Seal, a man from supportive parents and a good education carried the shortened gene. He channels his internal aggression into a productive use as a successful entrepreneur. He maintains that he overcame the negative effects of the shortened gene through his military training, where he learned to “control the fuse and the anger”.

Henry’s parents divorced when he was young and I understand that his mom’s boyfriend beat him and mentally abused him. Kids beat him up in the school yard. He described himself as a “nervous kid” until the day he snapped and became what he feared. Almost 50 at the time of filming, Henry says he’s still aggressive.

Find out Henry’s DNA results in the 45 minute documentary.

Implications

MAO-A is only one of thousands of genes expressed in the brain with the potential to affect behavior.The MAO-A gene is not an explanation for violence, but it does move us closer to understanding what drives violence in some men, and further understanding of the gene will tailor rehabilitation programs to individuals.

It will also alter the law.

A really interesting paper from the National Judicial College of Australia examines the MAO-A gene as evidence in sentencing. The author states that there is not enough scientific understanding of the gene for it to play a part in criminal proceedings, and warns about the moral issues of testing all males for the gene mutation and the possibility of racial profiling because of a man’s ethnic heritage.

The argument over using genetic determinism as a legal defense continues to rage (this paper focuses on genetic determinism and the law). Through our understanding of the MAO-A gene, we will come to understand ourselves better, but we must be careful not to treat the violence associated with the mutation as an excuse, and shirk off responsibility for our actions.

Violence is a choice.

The 6′ rule

Actor and wrestler, Andre the Giant, stood at 7'4.

Last week, Davy Jones’ sudden death prompted a post about his life as an entertainer, and his life as a short man. Today, the focus is on tall men – their cultural psychology, how women feel about them, and medical problems they can face.

I know a lot of women like tall men. Our society has a thing about tall men being somehow better than shorter men but it is completely unproven. We have attachments to the notion that bigger is better but there is no correlation between a person’s height and their abilities or IQ.

Social anthropologists say women want mates who can provide and protect, and I’ve watched interviews with women who like tall men because they say, tall men give a feeling of protection (though I’m not sure why they would need protection in our relatively safe modern-day western world).

As I said last week, I am a small woman and I prefer short men because among other things, I’m concerned with proportion. Why would I want to cart around a step-ladder for the times that I want to kiss my tall boyfriend, and similarly, how could a tall guy feel on equal footing to his tiny girlfriend when she only comes up to his armpit? I’ve heard some men say “the height difference doesn’t matter when you’re horizontal”. Perhaps not, but how much of your relationship do you plan to spend lying down?

Once bitten, twice shy

I have been on a lot of dates in my life and I have learned a lot of things. Several years ago on a dating website, I was in contact with a handsome man who seemed interesting. I looked at his stats and saw his height. “Yeah right, no one is 6’11,” I said, assuming a typo, and decided to meet him.

To my absolute astonishment, he was 6’11. It was the most bizarre date I’ve ever been on, even outside of the 21″ height difference. He was odd, he was large, and he got aggressive. In the end, I had to use all the strength in my body to fight him off. Though he was almost 2 feet taller than me and double my weight, I managed to get away unscathed.

From that potentially harmful experience, I created a rule that prevents me from dating men over 6′, keeping me feeling safe from harm. Even if the giant is the most lovely, gentle creature, even if I’m accused of heightism, even if people tell me I’m being unfair, the size difference is just too imposing. I shock some tall men when I tell them they’re too tall for me – I know most of them haven’t heard such a remark before, but I hold my ground out of pure self-preservation. I don’t want to get into another compromising situation and I hope they understand my position.

Now, 6’11 is unusually tall, and the average height of Canadian men is 5’8, but men standing 6′ tall are rated the most attractive to women and are said to be the most reproductively successful. Social anthropologists say that in evolutionary terms, tall men and petite women are favoured and can afford to be more selective in their romantic partners.

Health problems

It’s no secret that taller men attract more women and earn more money, but shorter men live longer and enjoy better health. We don’t often think about height as a threat to our health, but taller people are susceptible to Marfan Syndrome – the stretching and consequent weakening of connective tissue in organs, bones, and ligaments, also associated with lung and eye problems. Being a tall man over 50 increases the risk for prostate cancer too.

Some teenage boys grow so long and lanky that they feel awkward and self-conscious and try to make themselves less noticeable by slouching. If this carries into adulthood, repetitive strain injuries can result, made worse by living in a world designed for smaller people – desks, beds, doorways, cars, planes, etc.

In 1983, John Gillis, psychology professor at Fredericton’s St. Thomas University, wrote Too Tall, Too Small, describing height extremes and associated behaviours – the Napoleonic Complex, plaguing short men who behave aggressively due to their lack of height, and the Friendly Giant Syndrome affecting some tall people with what Gillis calls an overcompensation for being physically dominant – tall people trying to be as nice as possible and sitting at every opportunity.

Some giants don’t want to dominate the situation with their stature and as Gillis says, many very tall people have gentle dispositions, but this can go too far in the opposite direction and the tall individual can lack assertiveness to the point of being a doormat. (Read the Ottawa Citizen article about Gillis’ book.)

Our culture still sees the world from a masculine perspective – through testosterone goggles where everything is larger, but bigger is not necessarily better. In Blink, Malcolm Gladwell discusses the height issue by asking, “Have you ever wondered why so many mediocre people find their way into positions of authority? It’s because when it comes to even the most important positions, our selection decisions are a good deal less rational than we think. We see a tall person and we swoon.”

I think as a culture, we are taught to see taller men as somehow better than short but being too small or too tall can have serious effects on a man’s confidence. I’m not sure that I would say tall men are any more confident than short men; I think it’s up to the individual. I see smaller men shrinking in too-big clothes and tall men with terrible posture trying to blend in with the shorter majority as often as I see well-dressed men of all heights with their heads held high.

No matter what your size, gents, it’s all in the way you carry yourself which is a product of how you feel about yourself. You have the choice to walk tall or to shrivel, and the rest of us will respond to what we see.

Davy Jones

This week, we lost one of the good ones. Davy Jones, the former singer of The Monkees died at the age of 66 of a massive heart attack. He leaves behind a lifetime of talent, loads of laughs, and a million broken teenage hearts.

Davy was born in Manchester, England and began his career on the much-loved series, Coronation Street, then took the part of the Artful Dodger in the London West End production of Oliver! which brought him fully into the entertainment fold (he was nominated for a Tony award for his role in the New York production). He appeared on the same Ed Sullivan Show as the Beatles in 1964, you know, their first US television appearance where masses of hysterical teenaged girls drowned them out.

“I watched the Beatles from the side of the stage, I saw the girls going crazy, and I said to myself, this is it, I want a piece of that,” Jones said of the evening.

In 1966, Jones auditioned for a new series that followed the adventures of The Monkees, a music group trying to break into the rock and roll world. The Monkees were really the first corporate pop group, a fabricated American version of The Beatles, made complete by Davy Jones, the clever, handsome Brit. The group had some very catchy music, often written by the best songwriters of the period: Tommy Boyce, Bobby Hart, Carole King, Gerry Goffin, Neil Diamond, and the group’s own Michael Nesmith, and the series won two Emmy Awards in 1967 for Outstanding Comedy Series and Outstanding Directorial Achievement in Comedy (James Frawley).

I watched re-runs of The Monkees TV show when I was a kid and I inherited my one-time Davy Jones-crazed aunt Betsy’s Monkee records, so I have my own happy memories of Davy and his gang of wacky band mates. Betsy, like millions of pubescent girls worldwide, went mad for Davy, plastering his pin-up face on their bedroom walls and dreaming that she was actually the one he was singing about when he crooned, “I’ll be true to you, yes I will”.

I got hate letters from girls all over America because I wouldn’t go to the prom with them.
-Davy Jones

He sang heart-felt ballads and he could shake a mean maraca; he was the kind of fella any girl would fall for – deep brown saucer eyes, thick dark hair, a beautiful face, a sharp wit, and a charming British accent. Davy was just as sweet, just as cute, and caused just as much teenage hysteria as our modern adolescent heart-throb, Justin Bieber. These two share another commonality – their stature. Standing a compact 5’5, Justin is only 3″ taller than Davy was.

Davy was so small that he sometimes served as a prop on The Monkees series.

Short

“I’ve always thought if all the show business success hadn’t happened, I’d have been a world champion jockey. It’s in my blood,” Davy said in 1996.

In Davy’s case, his small stature helped him become an accomplished horseman, though most people might argue that taller is better. In a publication I used to do before I started this blog, I devoted one issue to men’s height. Through my research, I developed a theory about why the western world has a hate on for small men, and I think that Britain’s George III is responsible. When the French army, led by Napoleon Bonaparte, threatened England, caricatures of the French leader being small and weak in comparison to the larger, stronger British monarch began to appear in newspapers, colouring society’s view of short men. The truth is that Napoleon stood at a very average 5’6 for the time, while George stood somewhere around 5’11, and he saw this as a point of ridicule. Short men have been in the dog house ever since (source).

For the record, there is no correlation between height and intelligence; short men are just as able and just as intelligent as tall men, but because we have been socially conditioned perhaps by George III’s political posturing, things aren’t so great for short guys.

I learned  more about the short man’s plight in the survey I did for the height issue, finding that of the men surveyed, those under 5’7 reported height discrimination. Short men complained of problems buying clothes, feeling overlooked, and being socially perceived as being “less than” a taller man. It’s understood that shorter men suffer in life, work, and love, making less money than taller men and working extra hard to attract women. (Read this blog about dating short men by a short man.)

I had a conversation about height with a 5’7 foot male friend the other night who uses internet dating sites. He complained about the profiles on these sites being full of women who insist on meeting tall men only, making my shorter friend feel bad and “rejected”.

Seeing as though our culture neglects short men already, I can see why a short man might be hurt by a height exclusion, so, in support of my small brothers, I’m going to make an admission: I am 5’2, I prefer short men, and I have height restrictions when it comes to dating too. Nothing personal, but the closer a guy is to 6′, the less attractive he is to me as a romantic partner. When I used dating sites and saw an interesting face, I’d check his height and if he was too tall, I passed. It’s a proportion thing for me. I know that I am not alone when I say that I cannot think of anything more attractive than a compact, self-assured man. Believe me, fellas, contrary to popular belief, there are a lot of women who dig short guys. (Read this blog about dating short men by a woman who likes smaller men.)

Davy Jones was one of the first men who made being short sexy, passing the torch to short men like Tom Cruise, Prince, Jason Priestly, and Elijah Wood who have all been very successful in their careers and in their romantic lives. With three wives, four children, and an entertainment career spanning over 50 years, little Davy did pretty well for himself. He didn’t suffer from “short man’s syndrome”, walking around with a chip on his shoulder or shivering in insecurity over his small stature; Davy didn’t have anything to prove, he just enjoyed himself and believed in himself, and it’s that confidence that makes a short guy shine.

Thanks Davy.

Christie Blatchford: Born in the 50s

You may have heard about the sensation writer Christie Blatchford caused in her recent National Post piece, “Toronto, City of Sissies“ over the last week. It is a strong opinion piece that has drawn much ire from many people, especially – and obviously – those that live in Toronto.

Ms Blatchford writes that men and boys need to “toughen up” and take on an antiquated gender role, destined to die by the next generation. Her article seems to look at the world through the eyes of the controlling class that was in place during her youth – the days when uptight white men controlled everything from religious views to industry to social practices, and of course, women and women’s sexuality.

It was a time when women, who competently operated everything when men were away at war, were expected to settle into the gender role of the happy, obedient housewife and mother, when the men, returning from the war brave and stoic, got back into the driver’s seat and took over with military sharpness.

The post WWII period was a time of rebuilding countries and social systems, when men and women were segregated into gender roles in order to regenerate the population. Even clothing reflected this – Christian Dior’s “New Look” of the late 1940s sculpted women into hourglass figures, and according to my costume professor in university, symbolized the regeneration properties of women – the rounded puffy skirts of Dior’s line represented and exaggerated women’s hips, thus drawing men to them and thus begetting an increased population – hello baby boom generation.

It seems to me that Ms Blatchford chooses to remain living in an old school world where women were thought of as girls  and both sexes lived under strict gender expectations, and they were not allowed to cross the line. As the 50s mentality dictated, acting anything remotely feminine was a boy’s ultimate sin (for reasons that I still can’t put my finger on).

Ms Blatchford proclaims she is tired of men being in touch with their feminine sides because they have lost their handle on masculinity. She is “mortified and appalled” at the sight of school-aged boys greeting each other with hugs, instead of having a switchblade rumble, I guess.

Humans showing their humanity evidently makes Ms Blatchford uncomfortable, so please stop it, you’re causing the black and white gender lines to blur!

Behaviour expectation is about controlling the masses so the masses conform to the wishes of the ruling class. The most effective way to control people is to keep them in fear – fear of punishment, fear of ex-communication, fear of pain, fear of shame, and so on. Fear is a very potent behaviour modifier. We are controlled by threats of fear and consequences communicated to us in various ways, one of them being language.

“Toronto, City of Sissies”

Each generation has its own language that defines it and every generation has its own arsenal of derogatory language to keep people in line with the ways of the ruling class and generally keep them feeling bad about themselves. Queer, stupid, fag, lezbo, dork, geek, and fairy are the ones my Gen X friends and I remember, for example. None of them are cool; all of them hurt.

In keeping with her era, Ms Blatchford chooses “sissy” as her insulting term. “Sissy” (American, 1840-50) is one of those generational terms that we don’t hear much these days, but it has several meanings. It started out as a term of endearment towards one’s sister, or a diminutive of Cecelia, Frances, or Priscilla, but turned to something derogatory to describe an effeminate man, a man who does not conform to the traditional masculine role, a man who is interested in feminine pastimes or clothing, a man who is afraid, or a man who cries. “Sissy” is used in subversive sexual cultures involving erotic humiliation and bondage. Interestingly, the term sissyphobia is thought to be a combination of prejudice of women and homosexual males.

Knowing this, “Toronto, City of Sissies” seems rather an odd title because Ms Blatchford practically falls over herself  gushing about how much she loves gay men (…”as a downtowner, I live surrounded by gay men, who, like most women, I adore as a group”).

So if this is true, how is it that Ms Blatchford, a solid representative for the generation that demanded strong, silent men’s men, betrays her 50s mentality not just liking but adoring gay men? Surely gay men are sissies too, Ms Blatchford!

Violence as communication

I agree with Blatchford when she says, “the onus for stopping bullies lies not with the people being bullied, but with those who see it happen.” However, I don’t agree with her idea that “taking the bully out for a short pounding” is a solution.

“This has been true for centuries,” she insists, “and it is still true, and it works equally well in the locker room, the office, a bar, and on the factory floor or street.”

Pain, like fear, is another good motivator. A punch in the chops (or “assault” as it’s known nowadays) is a good way to get someone to see your way. Corporal punishment kept people in line during these darker days of modern masculinity when men and boys were not allowed to talk about their feelings (only girls do that!); they talked with their fists instead, in the hopes of teaching wordless lessons, symbolic of the ridiculous masculine stoicism of the generation.

What I think Ms Blatchford overlooks here is that “short poundings” don’t do well helping people understand why they’re getting pounded, and I expect that arbitrary poundings are painful, possibly maiming, and surely confusing, producing anger and/or depression in the pounded. Doesn’t she know how this works? Hasn’t she read Bukowski’s Ham On Rye? Humans are reasonable when they’re treated reasonably,  I find.

Action!

In her generational wisdom, Christie Blatchford understands the way boys and men are “supposed” to be. She offers us “a few reminders of the way it was once upon a time and really always should be,” recommending that boys engage in  ”killing”, “whacking”, “shooting”, “kissing”, “farting” (on cue, no less), and “making the sound of a train in a tunnel” (hello Dr. Freud). ”Hugging is not” on this list.

I’m just plain sick of hugs, giving and getting, from just about anyone, but particularly man-to-man hugs.

Not sure why this bothers her, or why she’s letting it get to her. She could simply turn her head away from the sight of a man expressing his warmth, fellowship, and affection to his friends.

Ms Blatchford says, “I know men have feelings too. I just don’t need to know much more than that.” This makes me think of emotionally immature males who are squeamish hearing about the inner workings of the female reproductive system – they just don’t want to know about it.

The people of Toronto have got into a bit of an uproar about Blatchford’s article, so much so that someone started a Facebook group, Christie Blatchford Needs A Hug. One member wrote, “…our whole society could definitely use more hugs. Affection makes us stronger, isolation only weakens society.”

In response to Blatchford’s “Sissies” article, Jeff Perera, of The Good Man Project, wrote The Invisible Gun of Manhood, saying,

Every one of us was meant to embrace our whole, full humanity. Yet, enforced ideas of what being a man is leaves every boy and man wrestling to suppress themselves. We are raised to value an unattainable standard and devalue anything “less than,” which is any aspect of our humanity labelled “feminine.”

Men are left feeling that they are not given permission (from others or from our own self) to discover our handcuffed array of emotions. Denying or being forced to deny sides of our selves, we are the walking dead, numb and emotionally illiterate. This leaves us numb to the very fact of the gun pressing on our soul. The sound of the resulting trauma inflected on the world is muted by a silencer, but the impact resonates like an endless echo of gunfire on women and men worldwide.

I’m not getting too excited about the Blatchford article because it originates from a place of obsolete thinking, and the world has changed too much to return to such a rigid existence. Toronto, next time you see Christie Blatchford walking her bull terrier around Rosedale, stop, embrace her, tell her you love her, and bring her up to speed about the modern world. Tell her about the internet and digital communication, about newly discovered species and advances in medicine, and don’t forget to break the news that Elvis Presley died 35 years ago.

Douche-bagging

A douche is a body cavity irrigation system, not a stupid person.

As an observer of masculinity and society at large, I take notice of different words and terms that come in and out of fashion and vary in popularity. “Douche bag” is one of these terms that I hear often and I’m not sure that I’m clear on it, so I asked some people I know to give me other names for douche bag so that I can understand it.

“Jerk, boor, fool, wanker, tool, motherf#@%er, dick, *sshole, *sswipe, and Jack*ss”, they told me. Esquire calls “douche bag”  ”a troublemaker without brains, a narcissist without charm, a breeder of ill will and contempt…”. Okay, I think I’ve got it.

But what I don’t understand is how an inanimate object, an object used to administer a vaginal (or sometimes a nasal) wash, came to be a way to describe and insult a fellow such as this. I guess I’m of the literal sort and I find the term “douche bag” a rather bizarre insult for anyone, but especially men who have nothing to do with vaginal rinses.

Do people who use the term “douche bag” actually know what they’re saying? 

If you’re French, “douche” means shower.

Dictionary.com explains a douche as “a jet or current of water, sometimes with a dissolved medicating or cleansing agent, applied to a body part, organ, or cavity, for medicinal or hygienic purposes.”

The Urban Dictionary says that a douche is “a word to describe a person who is a waste of oxygen; an idiot; an individual who is very brainless in some way or another, thus comparing them to the cleansing product for vaginas.“ Thus comparing them to the vaginal cleansing product? I don’t see how a person would make a connection between being brainless and the cleaning of a woman’s box. I guess if you’re brainless/stupid, you’ve could have the IQ of any old inanimate object, but why a douche bag? Why not an enema bag or Neti pot; an acorn, a shoe, or a pad of paper for that matter?

I’m curious about how this term began as something benign and turned into a face-slapping insult. Linguists may consider “douche bag” as a pejorative, a semantic change whereby a word acquires unfavourable connotations. Such as the case for “douche bag”. I found a good site explaining “douche bag is an olde tyme insult, much like “trollop” or “dingbat.” The Oxford English Dictionary says the word was first printed in the 1930s and was popularized in the 1950s as a term of contempt towards women.

Another blog went a little deeper and found a stronger proof of the term used in a pejorative sense and perhaps locating the first usage of “douche bag“, back in 1951 in the novel,  From Here to Eternity:

“The trouble with you, Pete,” the voice that did not seem to come with him but from that cigarette said savagely, “is that you can’t see further than that douchebag nose of yours.”

(I’m trying to imagine what the voice meant by describing the nose as “douchebag”…)

The  San Francisco Weekly that says the use of  ”douche bag” goes back to 1967, “when “douchebag” was a popular epithet for “an unattractive coed”; it has since morphed into a general term of disparagement, esp. for an unattractive or boring person.”

No matter how much reading I do, I still can’t seem to find the magic moment when “douche bag” became a popular term in the 2000s for pompous jerks, so I’m going to let it remain a mystery, unless anyone out there thinks they have an answer – if so, please share it with us in the comments.

Now, onto other things.

Vagina, a self-cleaning organ

Men, if you haven’t realized it by now, the vagina is an amazing organ. Among other things, the vagina is like a self-cleaning oven: it cleans itself and flushes away bacteria and residual menstrual blood with its own fluid and it doesn’t need any outside help.

Douching rinses away the natural vaginal discharge and is not recommended. The medical world agrees that douching is not a good idea because it messes with a woman’s natural ph balance, it can introduce bacteria into the cavity, and can put women at risk for infection. If a pregnant woman douches, she increases the risk of preterm delivery, according to Medscape.com.

I suppose douches exist because the makers of douches like  Massengill and Summer’s Eve decided that they could make money from yet another product that we don’t really need. Or the makers of commercial douches decided that a woman’s natural scent was offensive and decided to turn society against it. If you don‘t have a squeaky-clean vag, you‘re just not fresh and you‘re not socially acceptable!

I have never used a douche; I don’t like the idea. I’m not comfortable with shooting acidic vinegar and water into a body cavity, nor am I into spraying an orifice with water mixed with artificial scent – ooh, the sting! Research shows that some douches contain octoxynol-9 – a spermicide, potential breast carcinogen, and according to the Natural Skincare Authority, a substance that can “instigate immune system response that can include itching, burning, scaling, hives, and blistering of the skin.” A woman can just as easily take a shower and let her natural powers clean her insides – a nicer alternative, non?

If there is a foul smell about the vagina, it could be an indication that there is an infection and douching to “freshen up”/cover the smell may make things a lot worse. A strong scent from down below may indicate that a woman’s flora is compromised and she might want to visit her doctor. Nature is good at giving us cues.

Douche bag or bottle?

Hundreds of years ago, a douche would be administered through a carved bone syringe-looking thing with a flat end with holes in it to plunge the liquid through, and during the early 20th century, a rubber bag was used to hold the douching fluid. Nowadays, a douche is not administed through a bag at all, it’s used with a squeezable plastic bottle, but for some reason, “douche bottle” never caught on…

Growing up with the Fonz

Aaaaeeee! The Fonz was a role model for boys in the 70s.

For the last few generations and for the first time in history, there have been 20 – 25-year lapses in style (music, design, art, clothing), due to rapid advances in technology,  manufacturing, and undoubtedly, marketing. When people get into their 30s and 40s and get nostalgic for the good old days where there much less stress and way more fun, the days/daze of high school, and for times of experimentation with music and clothing and finding out who you were, the entertainment industry is always there to cater to that longing.

As a Gen-xer, I’m part of the first generation to witness all of these quarter century lapses because I believe the Baby Boomers started all of this through television, K-tel Records, and swinging hi-fis. We are in an 80s revival now (get out your synths and viva la Madonna), the 90s were all about the 70s (platform shoes and Tarantino films), the 80s were influenced by the 60s (mini skirts and a psychadelic-influence in music – i.e. XTC as The Dukes of Stratosphere), and the 1970s had a thing about the 50s.

The 50s influence was all over the 70s – the films and music from Grease and American Graffiti and the consequent rebirth of Wolfman Jack. Television was no different – who remembers Sha Na Na? 50s-inspired sitcoms began with Happy Days in 1974 and the era of the Fonz began.

Fonz

Arthur Fonzerelli, Fonz, the Fonz, or Fonzie, was a character on Happy Days, an American television comedy set in the 1950s with character stereotypes of the period: the all-American family in a modest two-storey house where Tom Bosley knew best; high schooler Richie Cunningham and his best friend, Potsie, a sass-mouthed kid sister, and Fonzie, the bully with a heart of gold.

I wondered how having a role model like the Fonz would affect the developing self-esteem of the boys who watched the show, seeing as though Fonz was a stoic high school drop out, a former gang member known to police, a terrible womanizer, a thug who would beat you to a pulp just for looking at him the wrong way, but also a guy who stood up for his friends.

I liked the early years of the show the because they were so much more authentic to the period – costumes, issues, and the Bill Haley theme song – rather than in later years when Richie had moved on and Joanie wore permed hair though it was supposed to be 1963. I was able to watch the first (and best) season of Happy Days on YouTube to research Fonz for this post.  I also collected the opinions of men who wanted to share their thoughts about the Fonz in an online survey. These are my findings:

Interesting Fonz facts

• Fonz and Ralph Malph were cited as co-stars in the first season.
• Fonz arm wrestles and drag races to prove his power.
• Fonz can start a jukebox by hitting it just so with the bottom of his fist.
• Fonz will go out with teenage girls only if he thinks they will put out.
• Fonzie’s first move: Snapping off a bra that Potsie attached to the bathroom radiator for Richie to practise on. Fonz then turns to the mirror to comb his Brylcreemed hair and realizes it is already perfect.
• Fonzie’s first line in Happy Days: ”You played with her chest?”
• Fonz wore a light blue or cream-coloured cloth bomber jacket until the drag racing episode where the black leather jacket comes out for the first time.
• Fonz is still within each of us who grew up with him:

The Fonz survey

I asked five questions about Fonzie’s influence in the survey and in return, I got some really interesting and surprising data. Some of the answers were hilarious, others honest, and some felt almost hostile towards him.

The first survey question revealed a lot. Though most liked him, more men than I expected said they didn’t like Fonzie for various reasons – some seemed to loathe him. I was delighted to read that several men saw through the tough facade and recognized the softer side of the Fonz, and that Fonzie spoke to the sense of self-confidence that many wished they had as boys. Most of the pollsters recognized the satire of the Fonzie character and none suggested having picked up any bad influence from him.

Questions and favourite answers below:

1. Did you look up to Fonzie as a role model? What impressions did he make on you, or did he teach you anything?

1. Yes. Loved the leather jacket – loved the signature ‘ehhhhh’ – liked that he was too cool for school, but still had heart.
2. I didn’t like Fonzie. I thought he was a bully. But I had a begrudging admiration for his ability to seduce women.
3. No, I did not. He was supposed to be a tough biker dude but they softened him up, took away his edge therefore took away his mojo.
4. Yes. He taught me the importance of coolness, the art of superciliousness and how to rock a leather jacket.
5. He taught me that it was OK to express myself and be unique to me – not follow what everyone else was doing. He also taught me the meaning of friendship.
6. Yes. Be confident and kind.

2. About being the Fonz, Henry Winkler says that the Fonz was his alter ego, that Fonz was everything he wasn’t. Did the Fonz represent something similar to you? Please explain if you can.

1. He didn’t represent anything to me.
2. The Fonz represented fearlessness – he was afraid of nothing or no one. Plus, he got laid a lot.
3. He was the über cool guy unaffected by emotional vulnerability and self-consciousness that no high school kid really is.
4. I never saw myself as being “cool”, but dressing in a way that was shocking gave me that “cool” feeling.
5. He definitely was everything I wasn’t.
6. The Fonz couldn’t even dance, or sing. i only hope he was a good mechanic. The Fonz represents all the things I don’t like about myself and avoid in others. He liked westerns, and claimed to have a sense of honour. If that is true, I will give him some credit for that.

3. What do you think made The Fonz cool when you watched Happy Days as a kid?

• He stood up for his friends: 76.5%
• He was popular with women: 70.6%
• He was “tough”: 58.8%
• He didn’t seem to need anyone: 35.5%
• Other: 17.6% (Some other reasons Fonz was cool: “He was untouchable. Almost god-like.” Also, “the thing about him “not needing anyone” and “not showing his feelings” was a cover up. Underneath he was a sensitive dude.”)
• He rarely showed his feelings:0%
• He dropped out of high school: 0%

4. Did you imitate Fonzie as a kid? If so, how?

1. No.
2. No
3. No.
4. “Aaaaaay!”
5. I’m sure I tried. But never successfully. It’s a tough gig.
6. Yes – I admired his self-confidence to be himself.
7. Mockingly, as did MAD magazine.

5. Please read the following YouTube comment found on a Happy Days episode: “OK, so let’s get this straight, a grown man… kicks the shit of 4 kids and then rails a highschool girl….yea, that would work real well today…”.

I think what this person is saying is that the concept of Fonzie and his “coolness” is dated. How do you feel about the Fonz now as an adult?

1. I think the concept of Fonzie and his coolness was already dated in the 1970s when the show aired. Happy Days was not a simple portrayal of the 1950s, but more of a multi-layered commentary on the changes of mores and societal pressures between the 1950s and the 1970s.
2. I agree that this behaviour is dated, but not his overall coolness.
3. Older men are still banging high school girls. Fonzie was the 50′s model, so the character is dated, but not the behaviour.
4. I think he would likely be arrested today.
5. While the details may be dated, the core notion of the Fonz is timeless — the guy above the fray, at the centre of attention, mysterious and self-sufficient, the guy who seems to know something the rest of us don’t.

Fonz was many things to many people. Fonz was loved, he was hated, he was cool, and people didn’t mess with him. The most ironic thing about Fonzie is that Henry Winkler, the actor who played Fonzie, is Dyslexic, and felt he was hopelessly uncool. He says that the Fonz helped him experience life. Give Henry a couple of minutes of your time for the last word: