Dabbing like a gent

A client recently asked me what he should do when sweat runs into his eyes on a hot and humid summer day.

“Good question,” I said, “there is no reason that a gentleman shouldn’t do as a gentlewoman would on a hot day – use a hankie.”

I pulled out my embroidered scarlet vintage hankie and showed him what I do with it when I find beads of sweat rolling down my face: dab. Simply dab.

Using an absorbent linen or cotton handkerchief to take up the sweat is a much nicer alternative to wiping one’s forehead with a sleeve or the back of your hand. Using a hankie is politer and much more stylish.

In Style & The Man, Alan Flusser, a permanent member on the international best-dressed list, writes of the pocket handkerchief:  “Immediate availability has always been a requirement for any handkerchief; the user must have ready access to it if he is to head off that unexpected sneeze before it becomes a source of embarrassment, mop up the spilled champagne before it flows into the lap of a guest, or perform other social niceties.”

As Mr. Flusser reminds us, the practical handkerchief must not be confused with the dress handkerchief that graces the breast pocket of a jacket. This workable handkerchief, also known as a pocket handkerchief, is meant to be stored in your back trouser pocket, as Flusser says, but if this is not possible, I’m sure no one would mind if you kept your hankie in an outside jacket pocket or if the fit allows, the front trouser pocket.

In the old days, a proper gent would always carry a hankie for nose-blowing or mopping the brow on a hot day. I remember my grandfather always had a linen hankie in is pocket and kept a drawer full of handkerchiefs because he bought them in packets of three. These are still readily available in men’s furnishings departments. For you groovier types, seek out vintage stores for cool, old-fashioned hankies or search for them online.

Random hankie tips:

• Men’s hankies tend to be plainer with straight or rolled hems; women’s hankies are more colourful and often have lace or edging on hems;
• For denim or sporty days, carry a colourful bandana, but go with a plainer, quieter hankie at the office – either way, hankies are a great way to express yourself;
• At the end of the day, toss your hankie in the wash or rinse under the tap, otherwise you’ll have a soggy wad to deal with.

For more handkerchief info, see the Hanky panky post, and for more info about combating perspiration, check No need to sweat it.

Unconscious behavior: using iPods

I’ve written a couple of times about unconscious behaviour – actions done without thinking, especially without thinking about how our actions will affect other people – and I’d like to offer a tip for those who use iPods or other portable music systems.

Be aware - ear buds easily leak sound.

If you’re like me and you take public transit, you’ll know how irritating it can be when someone nearby is listening to music at a high volume through headphones that leak sound (ear buds, especially). An example to illustrate: one time not long ago, I was riding a bus. A guy sat down beside me wearing old-style over-the-head headphones with speakers that sat outside his ears, BLARING what sounded like 80s metal. I asked him to please turn down the volume. Instead of turning it down, he got up, moved to a seat a couple of rows behind me and turned it up, an action equivalent to giving me the finger, I figured. (As you may guess, I did not take too kindly to that.)

Honestly, I like loud music as much as the next person (really, it’s true)  but I’m very aware of how the sound escaping from my ear buds can irritate people around me. Because I’m aware of this, I turn down the volume when I’m in closed public spaces so that I don’t annoy anyone who might be trying to concentrate on a book or a newspaper, or someone just chilling in the quiet.

If this means anything to you, and I hope it does, here is a trick that I devised to check how loud my headphones are to other people:

Keeping the volume at the same level it would be if you were outside, take the headphones out and hold the little speakers in your fists (don’t squeeze too tight – we’re only trying to emulate buds that sit in your ears). Hold your arms out away from you – this is what everyone around you can hear. How loud is it? What do you think of this idea?

Remember that the music you’re playing on your portable device is for you and only you, so please do us all a favour and turn down the volume while you’re in an enclosed public space, then when you’re back outside, turn it back up and keep on grooving – an easy action that makes the world a better place for us all – thank you!

Top 10 ways to turn off a self-respecting woman

Men, it’s time for a perspective change. To prepare yourselves for this, you first must consider yourself by thinking about the degree to which you can focus on something. Next, think of other men and how intense you may have noticed they can be when concentrating on reaching a goal. Got it? Now, put a bunch of these men in a room and put drinks in their hands.

I want you to now imagine that you’re a single woman in the same room and think about what it might be like to be the target of this intense and intoxicated masculine focus. If you can do this, you may be able to understand why single, self-respecting women choose to remain single.

1.  When she’s standing at a bar, make sure to confine her space – i.e. barricade her with arms and elbows.

2.  Walk up to her, introduce yourself, and follow with “wanna shag?”

3. Assume that she wants you to paw her, just because she said hello back.

4. Put your hand up her dress.

5. Ask the woman if she’s married, what her sexual orientation is, and make comments like, “with a body like that, you mustn’t have any children.”

6. Keep talking to her and hang around her though she isn’t even making eye contact with you.

7. Get really drunk and flash a wad of cash around, making sure she’s seen it at least 3 times. Try not to stagger while you do this.

8.  Get really drunk, walk over to a woman with whom you’ve never spoke, grab her by the arm, drag her to the dance floor, and force her to dance with you.

9. Get really drunk and interrupt the conversation you’re having with the woman to get into a fist fight with another drunk guy.

10. Exclaim ”Don’t leave me!” when she turns to walk away.

* All items in this list are are true and actually happened to me. I’m sorry to report that 6 of these 10 points happened in one night not too long ago.

Of unconscious behaviour: at the gym

I’m very aware that once the day’s wardrobe is replaced with mostly non-descript gym clothes, identities are lost and we have trouble sorting each other out because the visual cues that tell us about people’s occupations, social standing, etc. are missing. I find gyms really interesting for this reason.

Gyms also interest me as I observe the behaviour of the people there. At my gym, I’m mixed into the 95% male gym users because I weight train. This gives me an advantageous insight into the world of men.

Sometimes it seems, guys at the gym forget they’re in a public place and behave as though they were in the men’s room, engaging in behaviour that should mostly be kept private. Images of bad public behaviour burn in people’s brains and can leave a haunting, lingering picture that you may not be able to recover from.

This is the second post I’ve written on unconscious behaviour, that is, actions done without thinking, especially without thinking about how our actions will affect other people. This is also the second post about my observations about behaviour in gyms. I’m melding these two concepts together this week to draw your attention to gym behaviour, how acting badly can affect the way people think of us, and tips on how to behave like a gent at the gym.

The following examples are real experiences I have observed at my gym. See what you make of them.

Use machines for their intended purpose and hurry up about it

During my routine on the machines one day, I noticed a guy with his heel resting on the forearm platform of the calf machine, stretching his hamstrings. I assumed he was just getting a kink out would exit momentarily.

He didn’t.

I would be using the calf machine but to be polite and give the fellow the benefit of the doubt, I worked around him and did reps on three different machines, saving the calf machine for last.

And he was still there.

I had given him 5 minutes to stretch and decided that he may not realize that someone else might be waiting for the calf machine to work on their calves, so I walked over and asked him if I could please use the machine.

“I’m stretching,” he said.

“Yes, but this machine is for calf raises, not stretching,” I replied.

“Five minutes,” he said.

“You know there are rooms for you to stretch in, instead of using a weight machine,” I said.

Unrelenting, he repeated himself and turned away from me.

What could I do? I walked away and shook my head. I guess this fellow didn’t realize that when using a machine for an extended period of time AND using it for purposes other than what the machine was built for, he’s definitely not casting a good light on himself AND annoying others. I for one, will not be able to disassociate this experience from this guy when I see him.

*Gentleman’s tip: Assume that other people are waiting to use the machine you’re on, do your set, get off. Easy. No one could possibly label you as a fill in the blank for being efficient with the weight machines.

How about the people that sit texting and relaxing on a machine that you want to use? The same principle applies here: be aware that other people may be waiting for the machine you’re languishing on. I’m not sure why anyone would bring their phone into the working gym to begin with unless they were waiting for very important news maybe, because last time I checked, gyms are for people to exercise in.

Just because you can’t see it

Sometimes people don’t realize that other people can see what they’re doing. Gyms are large, open spaces with mirrors that shoot your reflection all over the room, so people can see whatever you’re doing even if you’re not aware of it.

While on the treadmill recently, I watched a guy about 10′ in front of me sitting on a quad machine with his finger stuck up his nose. I had to look away when he pulled something out. When I looked again to see how he was going to dispose of this treasure, I saw no tissue and and didn’t wait to see where he wiped.

Now, come on, man! This is disgusting. Please think before you pick in a public space – public transit included.

*Gentleman’s tip: Keep your fingers out of all orifices while you’re in public.

From my treadmill perch, I see other amazing things. The treadmill faces a cluster of weight machines in front of a full-mirrored wall, giving a good, wide view of almost half of the gym. Sometimes I’ll see guys stand in front of the mirror and they’ll do one of three things:

1. pose and admire themselves,

2. check and re-style their hair, or

3. squeeze pimples or razor burn bumps.

I watched a guy last week spend a few minutes in front of the mirror squeezing things on his face. I was really amazed that after popping a pimple that hit the mirror, he wiped it off with a bare finger and then walked over to the machines and started pumping. After a couple of reps, he came back to the mirror and the process started again.

I know that nasty things go on in the locker rooms (though I will say that the brotherhood is pretty tight-lipped about what really goes on behind the men’s room door), but once a guy is out of the can, the public persona should really be taken on – the one that keeps a guy in check and exercises respect to other people.  This pimple-popper was not extending consideration to others in any way, shape, or form, and worse, spread the insides of his body around. I will recognize him as the pimple-popper from now on and I never forget a face.

Again, a public space is not the men’s room and any Jackass tactics should be kept private.

*Gentleman’s tip: Be hygenic and go wash your hands when you touch bodily products beyond sweat.

Steam room

Though I don’t know what happens in the gents’ steam room first-hand, a very good source has confessed that he’s watched men behaving very badly in steam rooms at his gym. He’s seen guys sloughing off dead skin from their feet and spitting on the floor in the communal steam room, much to the total gross-out of everyone else in the room.

*Gentleman’s tip: If you steam, just sit there and steam instead of spreading your DNA samples.

The potentially scary idea behind acting with disregard at the gym is that because the visual wardrobe cues have been removed, we don’t know who is who. What do you think would happen if the next person you network or interview with goes to the same gym and saw you squeezing blackheads in the gym mirror? What would they make of you? How do you think women would react to you? Is this the impression you want to make on other people?

If you think of your life as a chess game, know that  your every move will affect you and the rest of the players on the board now and in the future. One wrong move can cost you the whole game.